JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #714.439.42!

Darkest Hour – Undoing Ruin (Victory) :: It’s always darkest before the yawn.

Catlow – Kiss The World (Boompa) :: Chandler’s restless lunatic daughter from The Big Sleep records a chirpy album of perky power pop rubber-room refrains.

Kid Icarus – The Metal West (Summersteps) :: Track one has a jing-janglin’ juju stutter-step. Then they vary the menu with a buffet of smart ’60s stylings that range from acoustics and harp to rude unruly fuzztone.

Led Zeppelin – Presence (Swan Song) :: It’s easy to forget how unrelentingly brutal these four guys could be when they were really angry. Bonus points for singing with a broken leg.

Ringo Starr – Choose Love (KOCH) :: Hey, if half of your old band was gone, you’d start singing heartfelt spiritual songs like “Oh My Lord” too.

Pete Townshend & Roger Daltry – Who’s Left (Decca) :: Then again, maybe you wouldn’t.

The Moggs – The White Belt Is Not Enough (Absolutely Kosher) :: He’s a git picker. She’s a skin whacker. Together they beat the Kills at their own minimalist game.

Devildriver – The Fury Of Our Maker’s Hand (Roadrunner) :: Where have you gone, Phil Anselmo? A nation turns its bleeding ears to you.

Ric Flair – To Be The Man (WWE Books) :: Woo! Woo! Woo!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Jennifer Foster – Fit For Mars (Kanada Kid) :: Jen has the vivacious looks, the vocal hooks, and an engaging witty songwriting style that’ll playfully sucker-punch you when you least expect it and have you down on the floor looking up with a new-found respect before you even know what hit you. You can trust me when I tell you she’s that good.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #713.438.41!

Daphne Loves Derby – On The Strength Of All Convinced (Outlook) :: Tie your brother down! Freddie Mercury joins Wings!

Kraftwerk – Minimum-Maximum (EMI) :: What’s the speed limit on Information Highway 69? Clickety-split.

The Hurt Process – A Heartbeat Behind (Victory) :: Are you ready for the CSNY of screamo? Me neither.

The Pages – Creatures Of The Earth (Unsound) :: Heads they’re an electric Kingston Trio, tails they’re a folkie Velvet Underground.

Jobriath – Creatures Of The Street (Elektra) :: Even at his summer-camp swishiest he’s still heavier than Xiu “Yoo Hoo” Xiu.

Sybris – Sybris (Flameshovel) :: Take a banana peel and throw it down the stairs! Siouxsie Sioux joins the Velvets!

The Evil Queens – First It Boils, Then It Spills (Addison) :: Finally it hardens into this hot steamin’ slab of heavy molten rock.

Pointed Sticks – Perfect Youth (Sudden Death) :: Whatever you do, make sure you don’t overlook this excellent reissue of infectious good-time new-wave power pop from 1980.

The Number Twelve Looks Like You – nuclear. sad. nuclear. (Eyeball) :: I’m not ready for flamenco screamo either.

Ulver – Blood Inside (Jester) :: She’s giving me bad vibrations! Diamanda Galás joins the Beach Boys!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Odiorne – Heavy Wish (File 13) :: This echoing pop album begins by using the watery tremulous horns from “It’s Only A Northern Song” and concludes by being the orchestral trance record that Yellow Submarine should’ve been.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #712.436.38!

Xiu Xiu – La Forêt (5RC) :: Proof positive that you can suck and blow at the same time.

Ron Spencer & Jumpstart – Livin’ Low (Blue Wave) :: Not only is Ron no slouch in the jumpin’ jive guitar department, you’ll also dig that he has the late lamented septuagenarian father of rock ’n’ roll Jimmy “The Houserocker” Cavallo guesting on vocals and sax.

Some Girls – The DNA Will Have It’s Say (Three.One.G) :: Funny how they can spell “Nazi” but not “its.”

The Knitters – The Modern Sound Of The Knitters (ZOË) :: This oughtta be the twangabilly sound track to Tarantino’s next movie.

Ambry – Holding On By The Blindfolds We Hide Behind (Death Scene) :: Well, there goes my word count.

Clumsy Lovers – Smart Kid (Nettwerk) :: It figures that Canada’s answer to Boiled in Lead would record an instrumental ditty called “Cock Of The North.”

SIZZLING PARODY OF THE WEEK: John Cena – Bad, Bad Man (WWE) :: Don’t laugh because what started out as a pathetic Marky Mark goof has now evolved to the point where Cena can star in a note-perfect A-Team video satire and nail George “Hannibal” Peppard’s trademarked mannerisms right down to the old carpetbagger’s megawatt grin. I love it when an MB comes together.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #711.435.37!

I Hate Sally – The Plague (db) :: Will they be upset that I call them a thermosonic cross between Pantera and Cradle Of Filth? Not if they’re smart, they won’t.

Aframes – Black Forest (Sub Pop) :: Q: Are they not Devo Cramps B-52’s? A: They are Devo Cramps B-52s!

Antigone Rising – From The Ground Up (Lava) :: With their big brains and vivacious voices, these five bodacious babes are the MENSA version of female acoustic folk bands.

Lapush – Someplace Closer To Here (FourFiveSix) :: The insight and power of Nirvana without any of the bitter bile. Where dreamy techno ambience meets the heart and soul of rock ’n’ roll.

Mahi Mahi – Remove Your Body (Corleone) :: Yet another Telex-worshipping duo with absolutely no songwriting ability is caught raw-handed doing the bedroom synthesizer wank. Kids, squeezing out runny dribbles of disco bleeps and blorps will only make you go deaf.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Frausdots – Couture, Couture, Couture (Sub Pop) :: Brent “I don’t feel cool, just a little bit cold” Rademaker suits up like Bowie on the back of Pinups and then proceeds to follow through on that sly nod by recording an album that’s the best glam rock record since the Everyothers’ dynamic debut.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #710.657.295.347.399.554!

This is Bob “Media Blackout” Hope coming to you live from the Big Room upstairs where I’m filling in for Jeffrey Morgan, who’s away this week celebrating Christmas by listening to some of the latest rice-paddy platters in Da Nang Trong province. You know what ‘Da Nang Trong’ means, don’t you? That’s Vietnamese for “Exit strategy? We don’t need no stinking exit strategy.”

No, but I’m really thrilled to be here on the road to ruin, as my good friend Joey Ramone would say. In fact, all of the Ramones are up here, although it took them a while to clear customs. They were forty pounds overweight, and that was just their hair. Yeah, and I hear Joey’s going to record a new Christmas song with Bing Crosby as soon as the old groaner recovers from that “Little Drummer Boy” duet he did with new arrival David Bowie 41 years ago. Just wait until he finds out that Joey’s been taking sarong lessons from Dorothy Lamour. Isn’t that wild?

Hey, how about a few reviews!

John Lennon – “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” (Apple) :: Hippie.

Various Artists – We Wish You A Metal Xmas And A Headbanging New Year (Armory) :: Look, even I can only take so much of Bing singing “White Christmas” before I get a hardcore hankerin’ to dreck the halls with gobs of metal. That’s why I’ve been listening nonstop to this twelve track compilation of carols, which features everyone from Lemmy to Alice to Dio. I’ll be deaf for Christmas, if only in my screams.

Christina – “Things Fall Apart” (ZE) :: I thought Britney Smears was a basket case until I heard this record. It originally escaped back in 1981 on A Christmas Record and it’s still the most mentally disturbed Noël number ever released. And that includes Jerry Colonna’s rendition of Johnny Bower’s “Honky The Christmas Goose.”

Rhonda Silver – “Chri$tma$ On Credit” (Silver Shadow) :: You can forget all about Eartha Kitt mewing out the high-priced “Santa Baby” for the umpteenth year in a row because this is the new torch song for today’s troubled times. You’ll sign up for a government bailout when you hear sultry songstress Silver croon: “You know that Santa’s got the blues ’cause he ain’t got no green. Looks like Mrs. Claus has picked his pockets clean!” In other words: Cash is king.

Johnny Cash – The Johnny Cash Christmas Specials: 1976-1979 (Shout! Factory) :: Hey, and what better way to celebrate the season than by watching this four disc box set containing the Man In Black’s holiday television specials. Cash doing Christmas would be reason enough to watch at any time, but what really makes this a seasonal must see is the truly eclectic line up of guest stars, including everyone from longtime stage stalwarts June Carter and Carl Perkins to country legends Merle Travis and Roy Clark to seminal Sun rockers Roy Orbison and Jerry Lee Lewis.

The Beatles – Christmas Time Is Here Again! (Fan Club Flexi-Disc) :: Hippies.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Mr. T – “I Told You Hannibal: I Ain’t Gettin’ On No Sleigh!” b/w “Shut Up, You Crazy Yule!” (T-Neck) :: Boy, I wanna tell ya, ain’t that something?

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #709.434.36!

TSAR – Band Girls Money (TVT) :: Led Zeppelin and Cheap Trick (“Everybody’s Fault But Mine”) meet Rockpile and Mott The Hoople (“Superdeformed”) in a fatal four-way! King, this one promises to be a hellacious slobber knocker, and it’s next!

Shawn Desman – Back For More (Sony/BMG) :: Barry Whiteboy looks like Travis Bickle and sounds like Michael Jacksoff. You were waiting for that, weren’t you?

Ninja Gun – Smooth Transitions (Barracuda Sound) :: Clever countrified rock at its finest. I laugh every time I hear guitarist Jonathan Coody’s droll delivery when he laments: “My brother’s pushin’ 30 now and I’m at 25. He’s making smooth transitions meanwhile I barely survive.” So will you.

Genghis Tron – Cloak Of Love (Crucial Blast) :: Five tracks of speedo shred-metal alternate with pastoral passages in 12:46, which is four tracks and 9:41 too long.

Sadaharu – The Politics Of Dancing (CI) :: The politics of, ooooh, screeching like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. The politics of Re-Flex suing your sorry screamo ass for defamation of reputation, uh-huh. Is this message understood?

Los Casualties – En La Linea Del Frente (Side One Dummy) :: This blistering Barrio-rockin’ Spanish version of their power-punk album On The Front Line is the missing foreign-language link between Medic Lee Roth’s Sonrisa Salvaje and the Stranglers’ “Sevierge.”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Perishers – Let There Be Morning (Nettwerk) :: Too much time to think, too little to do? Let me tell you about Sweden: only country where songwriter Ola Klüft has distilled the heartfelt essence of Pete Townshend, George Harrison, and Roy Rogers into an album of exquisite music.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #708.433.35!

Ian Hunter – Rant (True North) :: “Still Love Rock ’n’ Roll” is Ian’s greatest song about rock ’n’ roll ever. That’s right, even better than both “All The Way From Memphis” and “The Golden Age Of Rock ’n’ Roll,” combined.

Punx Unite – Leaders Of Today (Side One Dummy) :: This essential 32-track throw-down admirably posits the position that punk ain’t passé—and I remember when listening to “punk rock” meant listening to “New Rose” and “Arabs In Harrods.”

Lewis & Clarke – Bare Bones And Branches (Summersteps) :: An acoustic expedition that shines an intelligent revelatory light into the heart of life and love.

Laughter’s Fifth – Love As Laughter (Sub Pop) :: The more I listen, the more I dig their sloppy guitar-driven Faces-meet-Crazy Horse sound and their cunning karmic lyrics like: “Shallow graves and topless babes, who will judge how you behave?”

Kyle Riabko – Before I Speak (Aware) :: I never understood how people could think that Elvis Presley was black after they heard him on the radio. Then I listened to this white teenage guitar soul prodigy.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: A Second Tribute To Jandek – Down In A Mirror (Summersteps) :: Imagine Dylan ripped out of his gourd on acid, cutting a trippy tune for the Easy Rider sound track. Well, that’s what Brother JT has done on his cover of Jandek’s “Message to the Clerk” and that’s reason enough to buy this compilation. Another reason: liner notes by Bible One fan Gary Pig Gold.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #707.432.34!

Iron Butterfly – In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (Atco) :: Miles Davis, eat your heart out.

Princess – Princess (Tony Chaos) :: A clogged overflowing toilet is more melodic.

Discordance Axis – Our Last Day (Hydra Head) :: The final album by these significant screamaniacs is so techno-guttural it makes everyone else on the grind circuit sound like Perry Como in a coma.

Towers Of London – On A Noose (TVT) :: These Rotten imitators rob the Clashbah.

Oxford Collapse – A Good Ground (Kanine) :: Kinda like a Tom Verlaine demo with primitive production values, this one has a haunting heartfelt passion that’s hard to beat. Speaking of which...

Iggy & The Stooges – “I Need Somebody” (Columbia) :: Dylan never wrote a line as good as: “Well, I am your crazy driver. Honey, I’m sure to steer you wrong.”

Bob Dylan – “Hurricane” (Columbia) :: “We wanna put his ass in stir. We wanna pin this triple mur-der on him.” I rest my case.

Faces – “Silicone Grown” (Warner Bros.) :: And neither of them ever wrote a line as great as this timeless poetic gem from Rod The Mod: “You’ve got more front than the Hague museum.”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Revolver – Turbulence (Sextant) :: When you’re the son of Goddo guitarist Gino Scarpelli, you’d darn well better be in a band that kicks everyone’s ass and doesn’t embarrass your old man. These brass-ball commandos lay down a heavy carpet of sound that’ll have your windows rattling for weeks. This is rock ’n’ roll the way it’s supposed to be played: with bludgeoning riffs that explode in the air thicker than a barrage of flak bursts over Normandy on D-Day. Velvet is for pocket-pool pansies. Real men pack concrete.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #706.431.33!

The Beatles – “Birthday” (Apple) :: Satanic Majesties is to Sgt. Pepper what The Beatles are to Satanic Majesties. Think about it.

Orthrelm – Ov (Ipecac) :: Everybody should own at least one album that can’t be listened to all the way through.

Yoko Ono – Fly (Apple) :: Make that two albums.

Harpo Marx – Harpo In Hi-Fi (Mercury) :: And a dozen hard boiled eggs.

George Harrison – “It’s Johnny’s Birthday” (Apple) :: The poor guy couldn’t even inadvertently cover “Congratulations” without getting sued for millions in back royalties.

Please Mr. Gravedigger – Throw A Beat (Pluto) :: Van Halen grunge meets Ted Nugent garage. But next time let the frail sing more.

Thee More Shallows – More Deep Cuts (Turn) :: There are two dead frogs on the cover, the victims of a murder-suicide by bow and arrow. So if I tell you that this album mixes the synths of Jack Nitzsche’s Performance with the strings of Bernard Herrmann’s Psycho, would you be surprised? I thought not.

Erin McKeown – We Will Become Like Birds (Nettwerk) :: “Aspera” evokes echoes of “For Ladies Only” but John Kay never sounded like Annette Peacock.

Steppenwolf – At Your Birthday Party (Dunhill) :: It’s all right, Ma, the Hells Angels are providing security!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Porcupine Tree – Deadwing (Lava) :: This melodic hard rocker manages to cover all the prog-rock bases from Led Zeppelin to Genesis to Quiet Sun to Brand X. The 10-minute title track has a Moon equipped engine that’s straight out of Eno’s “Third Uncle” with Adrian Belew doing his obligatory Fripp bit. Then they put another log on the fire for thee and make some breakfast and coffee.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #705.430.32!

VCR – VCR (Side One Dummy) :: Casio camp music so homofied it makes Xiu Xiu sound like Ted Nugent.

Michael Parks – ...Then Came Bronson (NBC) :: Isn’t it about time that Michael Parks’ 1969 Zen motorcycle series finally came out on DVD?

Treiops Treyfid – Feelings Of Unreality (Postfact) :: My feeling is that ‘unreality’ is putting it mildly. Still, this eclectic album does contain “Rolling Blackout” which is one of the best songs Unca Lou never recorded for Loaded.

The Factory Incident – Red Tape (Postfact) :: The singer sounds like a flattened cross between monotonic John Lydon and histrionic David Bowie after being plugged by Valerie Solanis. But that just gives these jangling rockers an authentic punk patina.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Muggs – The Muggs (Times Beach) :: Motorcityrocks.com, with typical retarded teenage diction, says these guys “rawwwk.” Ann Arbor Paper, with typical gushing fanboy sycophancy, says “Danny Methric is Detroit’s Angus Young.” Of course, they’re both wrong. What we really have here is Michigan’s own Methricphetamine version of ZZ Top with all of the bulwark bluster and none of the stylistic subtleties. Their suspended animation brand of ’70s arena rock boogie may have seen them slotted in as a high noon opener for Ted and Aerosmith at California Jam, but I doubt it.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S ROCK ’N’ ROLL PHOTOGRAPHS

While you’re visiting, don’t forget to view the dozens of essential selections from my vast archive of hundreds of extremely rare and previously unseen rock ’n’ roll photographs from the 1970s and 1980s—all of which were taken by myself from my front row center seat at various venerable venues; vintage historical portraits which include the following rock stars caught in their youthful prime:

David Bowie (1976 Station To Station tour) :: Lou Reed (1974 Sally Can’t Dance tour) :: Iggy Pop (1977 The Idiot tour) :: Bob Dylan (1978 Street Legal tour) :: George Harrison (1974 Dark Horse tour) :: Paul McCartney (1976 Wings Over America tour) :: Pete Townshend (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Johnny Winter (1976 Captured Live! tour) :: Jeff Beck (1975 Blow By Blow tour) :: KISS (1977 Love Gun tour) :: Alice Cooper (1975 Welcome To My Nightmare tour) :: Freddie Mercury (1977 News Of The World tour) :: Amanda Lear (1975 Sweet Revenge tour) :: Rod Stewart (1977 Foot Loose & Fancy Free tour) :: Mick Jagger (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: New York Dolls (1975 Tokyo Dolls Live tour) :: Keith Richards (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: Ian Hunter (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Elton John (1974 Caribou tour) :: Mick Ronson (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Steven Tyler (1977 Draw The Line tour) :: Sparks (1975 Indiscreet tour) :: James Brown (1986 Gravity tour) :: Miles Davis (1985 You’re Under Arrest tour) :: Roger Daltrey (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Bruce Springsteen & Clarence Clemons (1975 Born To Run tour) :: John Entwistle (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Keith Moon (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: The Who (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: and more!

Ask any dealer and he’ll tell you that the best way to get someone hooked on your product is to give them a free sample, so here’s just a small taste of what’s coming your way when you click on the eleven gallery links to your left:

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #704.429.31!

The Raveonettes – Pretty In Black (Columbia) :: They’re just like the Lords Of Acid only without the acid.

Hanin Elias – Future Noir (Cochon) :: The female Gary Numan makes a techno Nico record. Who will love Alanis Sane?

Spitalfield – Stop Doing Bad Things (Victory) :: Stop making bad albums.

Mem Shannon – I’m From Phunkville (Last Load) :: Ah’m frum Missoura, an’ dis heah silky smood funk elpee sho’nuff dun showed me, yass’um!

Doug Sahm – The Return Of The Formerly Brothers (Stony Plain) :: Sir Douglas serves up a steamin’ slice of Cajun swamp-wop with a side order of early Chicano honky-tonk Tex-Mex rock ’n’ roll. Would you like some Canuckistan country boogie with that?

The Curtains – Vehicles Of Travel (Frenetic) :: Skillfully scattershot, ethereal and ambient, these charming childhood chakras will have your head driftfully grazing the ceiling.

Andy Stochansky – 100 (Interscope) :: Andy’s an amped-up Elliott Murphy for the 21st century with songs that are just as good and a heart that’s just as big.

The Deadly – The Wolves Are Here Again (Pluto) :: Bone-pulverizing Jimmy Page guitar riffs. Slaughterhouse screamo Tom Verlaine vocals. What’s not to like?

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Valley Arena – Take Comfort In Strangers (Astro Magnetics) :: The chunky guitars and punky vocals are reason enough to stick around, but it’s the unexpected John Bonham power drumming by Carlos de la Garza that keeps this train from derailing.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #703.428.30!

Super Heavy Goat Ass – 60,000 Years (Arc Light) :: Darn fine no-nonsense fuzztone blues rock from the Lone Star State that’ll never get the extensive cross-country breakout FM airplay it rightfully deserves because of their self-defeating career-limiting band name.

Serena Ryder – Unlikely Emergency (Isadora) :: She’s got a dynamic show-stopping voice that squirts personality by the bucketful every time she opens her mouth, but her stalled soporific songs would make even Speedy Gonzalez siesta. So ditch the dreary diva dirges and find yourself a real rock ’n’ roll band that can play in 4/4 time and tow you out of the middle of the road.

Justin Rutledge – No Never Alone (Six Shooter) :: Because the lyric “too sober to sleep too drunk to cry” is the hanky-honkin’ tonk of the week, Kleenex stock is up $3.00 at the closing bell.

Ian Tyson – Songs From The Gravel Road (Stony Plain) :: You don’t have to have lived in a farmhouse on the vast ambient Canadian plains under starry skies to fully appreciate what Ian is singing about on this touching heartfelt country album. But there are worse ways to live and certainly worse albums to listen to.

Mariah Carey – The Emancipation Of Mimi (MonarC) :: This being one of them.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Jay Giles – Jay Giles Plays Jazz! (Francesca) :: From Charlie Watts to Randy Bachman, the rock ’n’ roll morgue is littered with many a mangled corpse on a slab that unwisely decided to unleash its inner jazzbo. And while this isn’t exactly Charlie Christian and Benny Goodman doing “Seven Come Eleven,” former Lester Bangs sideman J. Giles has come close to cloning that classic ’30s vamp sound.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #702.426.28!

Carl Stalling – The Carl Stalling Project (Warner Bros.) :: Two, I say, two volumes of the greatest animated film music ever heard in the history of the human eardrum!

The Dan Band – The Dan Band (Side One Dummy) :: Even Bowie at his cokehead best didn’t dare cover “I Am Woman” on David Live. But if Dan’s live romp is any indication, maybe he should’ve. Any of this gettin’ through to ya, son?

Chuck Jones – Chuck Amuck (Farrar Straus Giroux) :: This good-natured glimpse behind the scenes at Termite Terrace by one of the world’s greatest directors is more fun than an Illudium Pew 36 Explosive Space Modulator. Pay attention, boy! I’m cuttin’, but you ain’t bleedin’!

A Change Of Pace – An Offer You Can’t Refuse (Immortal) :: No it’s not, and yes I can. Nice boy, but he’s built a little too low to the ground!

Over It – Silverstrand (Lobster) :: Oh, so you three guys actually like having a bland singer without a shred of personality in his voice? Well, that explains everything. You’ve gotta keep your eye on the ball, son!

Rush – Rush (Moon) :: Don’t laugh. Xeroxed bands like the previous two could learn a lot from songs like “Finding My Way” and “In The Mood.” Eye!

Full White Drag – Everything Will Fall One Night (Inter-Flight) :: So could Canada’s plodding answer to the Stranglers. Ball!

Mel Blanc – That’s Not All Folks! (Warner Books) :: This delightful memoir covers everything from Mel’s “Cu...camonga” days on The Jack Benny Show to his heavyweight reign as Looney Tunes’ voice man supreme. Eyeball!

SIZZLING CLAGHORN OF THE WEEK: I almost has a column there, son! Joke, that is.

Uh-b’uh, uh-b’uh, uh-be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #701.425.27!

Jennifer Gentile – Valende (Sub Pop) :: If I were the guy who recorded this dire disc of dissipated diarrhea, I’d hide behind a girl’s name, too.

Gliss – Halfway Gone (Mountain Lo-Fi) :: On the first track he tries to kick like a mule. Then he perverts to form and dresses like a queen, it’s a real schlemiel deal.

Ivy – In The Clear (Nettwerk) :: For good Portishead call Ivy.

Anton Barbeau With The Bevis Frond – King Of Missouri (Bongo Beat) :: Had Elvis Costello actually been a ’70s punk rocker, he just might’ve recorded this loose and vibrant affair that’s part wordy Dylan and part nasally Lennon.

Rockethouse – Weapons Of Mass Distortion (Kanine) :: Funky fuzztone music that’ll have you cage-shakin’ in your white go-go boots.

Forever Changed – The Need To Feel Alive (Floodgate) :: Every time I see a back cover photo of four short-haired kids in T-shirts I cringe because they all invariably sound the same: lame. Remember what I said about bands that are deficient in the personality department? Well, you can add these guys to the list.

Yellow Second – Altitude (Floodgate) :: What, another back cover photo of four short-haired kids in t-shirts who sound lamer than lame? Better add these guys to the list, too.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Mardo – Mardo (House Of Restitution) :: They oughtta give away a free farm-size box of Kleenex with every copy sold because this is one helluva snotty album whose snooty snout attitude drips straight out of the Punky Meadows Lip Farm. Even Binky knows that Mardo’s a retro-retardo smash up of everything from Love It To Death and Dressed To Kill to Cheap Trick.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #700.424.25!

Sparks – Kimono My House (Island) :: Geddit?

SIZZLING PARTY PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Rosemary Clooney – “Come On-A My House” (Columbia) :: Who invited all these people?

KISS – “Rock And Roll All Nite” (Casablanca) :: Oh, man, that’ll never wash out!

Quiet Riot – “Cum On Feel The Noize” (Pasha) :: Keep it down before the neighbors complain!

Andrew WK – “Party Hard” (Mercury) :: C’mon, let’s use this empty bedroom!

Slade – “How D’You Ride?” (Polydor) :: Who parked on the lawn?

Elton John – “Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting” (MCA) :: Guys, guys, take it outside!

Elvis Costello – The Delivery Man (Lost Highway) :: Pizza’s here! Who’s got the money?

Lou Reed – “The Power Of Positive Drinking” (Arista) :: I think I can jimmy the lock on this liquor cabinet!

John Entwistle – “Whiskey Man” (Decca) :: Got it!

Faces – Five Guys Walk Into A Bar… (Warner Bros.) :: Hey, while you’re up!

The B-52’s – “Party Out Of Bounds” (Reprise) :: The beer bottles in the freezer exploded!

The Who – “However Much I Booze” (MCA) :: Where’s the keg?

Kim Mitchell – “I Am A Wild Party” (Anthem) :: Where’s the can, I gotta go water my horse!

Johnny Winter – “Too Much Seconal” (Columbia) :: Dude, you look peaked!

Blood, Sweat & Tears – “And When I Die” (Columbia) :: Dude?

Rick Derringer – “Still Alive And Well” (Epic) :: Dude, that was close!

The Irish Rovers – “Wasn’t That A Party?” (Epic) :: Cold pizza and beer, breakfast of champions!

Johnny Cash – “Sunday Morning Coming Down” (Columbia) :: Keep those drapes closed! And don’t slam the door when you leave!

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #699.423.24!

John Cale & Lou Reed – Songs For Drella (Sire) :: Everything they’ve done separately, no matter how good, is mere artifice compared to this sincere, monumental work of art. When’s the last time you listened to it?

The Sharp Ease – Going Modern (olFactory) :: Meanwhile, if Cale and Lene Lovich had sired quadruplet daughters 25 years ago, those four femmes would’ve grown up to record this smart ’n’ sassy pop album.

Tara Angell – Down And Out: The Come Down EP (Rykodisc) :: Hide the razorblades because if ever a record lived up to its title, it’s this one. This dour dish makes Marianne Faithfull sound like Toni Basil cranked to the gills on a helium speedball.

Josh Rouse – Nashville (Rykodisc) :: Maybe the Ryman Auditorium isn’t ready for a guy who sings lyrics like: “Later on, after the show, we can go to your room, I can try on your clothes.”

Johnny Cash – “A Boy Named Sue” (Columbia) :: Then again, maybe it is.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Devlins – Waves (Nettwerk) :: Having survived the trauma of Chas being killed by Harry Flowers, the two remaining brothers buck up and record this fine album. I like that, turn it up.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #698.422.23!

Dave Cooper – Underbelly: Additional Observations On The Beauty / Ugliness Of Mostly Pillowy Girls (Fantagraphics Books) :: This coffee table art book contains erotically singed paintings of large ravenously mandibled women who have the bug-eyed visages of Sandy Dennis in leering lolling heat. Roll over Bill Ward, and tell Robert Crumb the news.

Dandi Wind – Bait The Traps (Bongo Beat) :: Lene Lovich + Iggy Stooge + Nina Hagen + Eno + Diamanda Galás + Kraftwerk = Crazy, man, crazy!

Aselin Debison – Bigger Than Me (Epic) :: Bland on bland.

Audra Kubat – Since I Fell In Love With The Music (Times Beach) :: Audra has the delicate demeanor of a sparrow, coupled with a heartfelt emotive voice and superior songwriting skills. She’s the new Joni Mitchell, only a whole lot better.

The Static Age – Neon Nights Electric Lives (Tarantulas) :: “Ghosts” has a propulsive jangling that’s somewhat reminiscent of the Banshees but, more often than not, this intelligent quartet has a suave sound that’s nothing less than the debonair second coming of Ultravoxy Music.

Femme Fatale – From The Abundance Of The Heart, The Mouth Speaks (Last Gang) :: King, it’s Shellac vs. the Beastie Boys in a last-band-standing, elimination chamber, hell-in-a-cell, grudge match.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE MONTH: Mommy And Daddy – Fighting Style Killer Panda (Kanine) :: Here’s a delightfully kooky EP that features a nutty sonic mélange of blipping Casio keys, pounding Roland drum machines, heavy metal guitars and snatch-snarling female vocals. This New York duo is being portrayed as “a married couple who play stripped-down, avant garde, primitive, post-punk, lo-fi, electropop retro rock.” Which is one way of describing them, I suppose. Here’s another: They’re outta their heads.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #697.420.21!

Ray Wylie Hubbard – Delirium Tremolos (Philo/Rounder) :: If you’re in the market for a new country blues album, give this instant classic by old mutha Hubbard a shot. Another reason to believe: Faces stalwart Ian “Mac” McLagan works the Hammond B-3 on several tracks.

Neal Schon – i On U (Favored Nations) :: Journey-man Schon rises above the synth backing tracks to craft an instrumental guitar album that’s part silky David Gilmour and part psycho Jeff Beck. Too bad he’d rather play with himself than be in a real band, though.

Soul Sirkus – World Play (Soul Sirkus) :: Well whaddya know? Schon upgrades to actual human beings! If you still proudly listen to old Sammy Hagar albums, then this thud’s for you.

Burn The 8-Track – The Ocean (Abacus) :: These four guys aren’t old enough to remember vinyl, let alone an 8-track. But they are mature enough to make an album that’s powerful and passionate.

Liam Titcomb – Liam Titcomb (Columbia) :: Canada’s answer to John Mellencamp is a long-haired pretty boy who writes hand-clappin’ good-time music including a little ditty called “Get Down” that actually does.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Vanessa Williams – Everlasting Love (Lava) :: Need some ’70s make-out music? Then slide in and take this VW for a ride that’s so smooth you could cut a diamond in the back seat. My favorite track is the Kraftwerkian “Tuning,” which consists of nothing but Vanessa tuning in different radio stations. Really.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #696.419.20!

Coralie Clement – Bye Bye Beauté (Nettwerk) :: Look, if I want to hear a breathy babe cooing sweet nothings to me in a foreign language, I’ll listen to Lola Dutronic instead, all right?

Lola Dutronic – The World Of Lola Dutronic (Bongo Beat) :: Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. So go out and get these luscious covers of “Walking On Sunshine,” “To Sir With Love,” and “Porpoise Song.”

Loopy – Smile Back Home (Zip) :: This must-have merges all the power of a classic three-chord rock band with the heavenly heartfelt harmonies of Brian Wilson.

Razor Crusade – Infinite Water (Deathwish) :: Hey, sailor, looking for a hot screw of screamotronic vocals and a heavy spew of garage guitars?

Theory Of A Deadman – Gasoline (Roadrunner) :: The singer apes Chris Cornell, but this rent-a-drummer trio does heavy blustery rage that’s right up there with the best of them.

The Living End – Modern ARTillery (Reprise) :: I don’t know much about art, but I know what I don’t like.

Various Artists – Mary Had A Little Amp (Epic) :: It wasn’t just for show. And when she played this disc through it, she said: “This record blows!”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: DMBQ – The Essential Sounds From The Far East (Estrus!) :: Are you ready for the absolute heaviest rock ’n’ roll album of the week? Hendrix in the East. Reincarnated in Japan. As Godzilla. With a guitar. And a wall of over-cranked amps. Run for your lives!

Be seeing you!