JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #724.451.54!

Cold – A Different Kind Of Pain (Flip) :: Coldplay. Coldpain. Coldpause. Coldeject. Coldreject.

Yip-Yap – Pro-Twelve Thinker (Strictly Amateur Films) :: If the names Korg, Roland, Casio and Stylophone mean anything to you, then you just might enjoy the primitive electronics krafted on this sparse sampling of snatches.

Brian Blain – Overqualified For The Blues (Northern Blues) :: Now here’s something you don’t hear every day: a bluesman singin’ the blues about how lousy the blues singin’ business is these days, and that’s a twist worthy of Ron Mael, who was a crotchety old bluesman himself in his own wry way.

Boris With Merzbow – Sun Baked Snow Cave (Hydra Head) :: One track, one hour long. An electro acoustic environmental excursion that makes Eno’s early ambient albums sound like Motörhead on speed—if that’s not too oxymoronic for ya.

Lilitu – The Delores Lesion (The End) :: They sound like they’ve been watching David Fincher’s Se7en a touch too much, but this just may be screamo prog rock at its best.

Conjure One – Extraordinary Ways (Nettwerk) :: MainMan touted Dana Gillespie as the female David Bowie, but the way this dish phrases comes a lot closer.

The Myriad – You Can’t Trust A Ladder (Floodgate) :: But you can trust the singer to shamelessly ape Bono.

Agents Of The Sun – Monarchs Of A Fallen Society (DCide) :: OK, so maybe shamelessly aping Bono isn’t such a grievous sin after all.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Rogue Wave – Descended Like Vultures (Sub Pop) :: Paul McCartney? Todd Rundgren? Brian Wilson? No, it’s the return of Zach Rogue, whose new pop album is every bit as good as last year’s Out Of The Shadows.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #723.450.53!

Orgy – Trans Global Spectacle 1997 - 2004 (D1) :: Whether they’re falling down stairs in stages or eliciting stares on stages, this modern stoned-age family has a gay old time for over two hours. Whether you laugh with them or at them is up to you.

Emery – The Question (Tooth & Nail) :: They look like they stepped out of a western, but their sound is strictly generic melodramatic screamo.

Everything At Once – Everything At Once (Linus) :: More generic melodramatic screamo from a group that prides itself on bloodily gouging their album title into the back of a naked woman.

The Beatles – Yesterday And Today (Capitol) :: And to think that their baby butcher cover was banned in 1966 for being offensive.

Alice Cooper – “Dead Babies” (Warner Bros.) :: On the other hand, astute social commentary is never offensive.

Kill Rock Stars – Video Fanzine III (Kill Rock Stars) :: If you’re into classic rock and have absolutely no idea what’s going on these days in the alternative world of nonmainstream music, then these 25 tracks of rampant fun ’n’ mayhem will either set you on the path to higher enlightenment or spook the heebie-jeebies out of you.

Moka Only – The Desired Effect (Battle Axe) :: The undesired effect is that this crap rap makes me nap.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Danzig – Il Demonio Nera (MDM) :: Volume 9 in the complete Danzig AV library features 12 different versions of six different videos, one of which features a very stacked nude babe. Offensive? Perhaps, perhaps not. But I predict that director Danzig will give director Zombie a run for his money by becoming the new Bob Guiccione of Satano Sinema™.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #722.449.52!

Various Artists – Run The Road (Last Gang) :: This clever compilation contains enough speed rap to give you whiplash. And although it may not be socially responsible to use the sampled sounds of jacked chambers and gun blasts as percussion on “Terror Danjah” by Cock Back, it’s a Kraftwerkian touch that gets my toe a-tappin’. And speaking of cocks...

Goblin Cock – Bagged And Boarded (Absolutely Kosher) :: They have a pierced knob on the front cover. Their singer is named Lord Phallus. Their guitarist is named Bane Ass-Pounder. Then how to explain that they sound like Blue Cheer on Valium? I know: They’re KISS in disguise!

Khanate – Capture And Release (Hydra Head) :: This spry little lease-breaker has but two tracks, the first of which runs 18:13 and consists of nothing but anguished screaming over ponderous power chords. The second is 25:03 of more of the same.

Vagina Dentata Organ – Sex Star (VDO) :: However, Jordi Valls did this kind of thing much better way back in 1986 by taping copulating couples instead.

Rosie Thomas – If Songs Could Be Held (Nettwerk) :: Thought-provoking; heartbreaking; life-affirming; Rosie is the female George Harrison, if you know what I mean.

A Wilhelm Scream – Ruiner (Nitro) :: Decades from now, if they ever grow up, these kids will regret that they ever recorded this album.

Abigail Washburn – Song Of The Traveling Daughter (Nettwerk) :: Banjo-pickin’ country music fused with Chinese melodies. Something new under the sun and then some.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Trews – Den Of Thieves (Epic) :: Wanna know why these hot young snots got to open for those cold shot spots the Stones?

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #721.448.51!

The Populars – The Vindicator EP (Kindling) :: The singer steals from Roger Daltry and the guitarist steals from Pete Townshend. But when I hear an ignorant chorus like, “I wish you’d hurry up and die,” all I hear is the Who without a clue. Someone should tell these clods to choose life instead before they die before they get old.

XBXRX – Sixth In Sixes (Polyvinyl) :: These blistered sisters are screamin’ it for themselves.

Doug Cox & Sam Harris – Hungry Ghosts (Northern Blues) :: When sci-fi author Spider Robinson writes in the liner notes about “Tibetan Buddhist cosmology” and the “Zen Masters” of acoustic roots music, he’s stretching because “Canned Heat Blues” sure ain’t music to read T. Lobsang Rampa’s Chapters Of Life by.

Doomriders – Black Thunder (Deathwish) :: This dark dose sure ain’t music to read Rampa by either, but a few chapters of Mickey Spillane’s The Last Cop Out might go down good while you listen to these hoarse Cooperish theatrics—although the Mick would surely disagree and, come to think of it, so would Alice.

Mark DeCerbo & For Eyes – Sweet On The Vine (Zip) :: I might like this competent album a whole lot better if Mark didn’t sound so much like Elvis Costello. Or is that John Lennon? Robin Zander?

Tricky Woo – First Blush (Last Gang):: These wasted wastrels strike enough preening poses to punk out the New York Dolls.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Messer Chups – Crazy Price (Ipecac) :: This “Telstar” meets “Out Of Limits” sonic sliver fuses a holy-cow campabilly cornball aesthetic with a low-brow surfabilly lounge mentality. It’s got a beat, you can geek to it, I give it a 10.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S ROCK ’N’ ROLL PHOTOGRAPHS

While you’re visiting, don’t forget to view the dozens of essential selections from my vast archive of hundreds of extremely rare and previously unseen rock ’n’ roll photographs from the 1970s and 1980s—all of which were taken by myself from my front row center seat at various venerable venues; vintage historical portraits which include the following rock stars caught in their youthful prime:

David Bowie (1976 Station To Station tour) :: Lou Reed (1974 Sally Can’t Dance tour) :: Iggy Pop (1977 The Idiot tour) :: Bob Dylan (1978 Street Legal tour) :: George Harrison (1974 Dark Horse tour) :: Paul McCartney (1976 Wings Over America tour) :: Pete Townshend (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Johnny Winter (1976 Captured Live! tour) :: Jeff Beck (1975 Blow By Blow tour) :: KISS (1977 Love Gun tour) :: Alice Cooper (1975 Welcome To My Nightmare tour) :: Freddie Mercury (1977 News Of The World tour) :: Amanda Lear (1975 Sweet Revenge tour) :: Rod Stewart (1977 Foot Loose & Fancy Free tour) :: Mick Jagger (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: New York Dolls (1975 Tokyo Dolls Live tour) :: Keith Richards (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: Ian Hunter (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Elton John (1974 Caribou tour) :: Mick Ronson (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Steven Tyler (1977 Draw The Line tour) :: Sparks (1975 Indiscreet tour) :: James Brown (1986 Gravity tour) :: Miles Davis (1985 You’re Under Arrest tour) :: Roger Daltrey (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Bruce Springsteen & Clarence Clemons (1975 Born To Run tour) :: John Entwistle (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Keith Moon (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: The Who (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: and more!

Ask any dealer and he’ll tell you that the best way to get someone hooked on your product is to give them a free sample, so here’s just a small taste of what’s coming your way when you click on the eleven gallery links to your left:

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #720.447.51!

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea! This is Jeffrey Morgan reporting! Stand by for the this week’s edition of your favorite weekly rock ’n’ roll media column, where every word I write is the unvarnished and unbiased gospel truth! Flash! Let’s go to press!

Page 1!

Chris Cornell & Phil Anselmo – Sing The Louis Armstrong Songbook (Blue Note) :: Screamo meets Satchmo! (A personal note from Jeffrey Morgan: Folks, I’ve listened to this album so you can believe me when I tell you that this dynamic duo is an absolute solid-gold knockout. If you haven’t heard it yet, call up your local radio station and demand that they play it!)

Page 2!

Courtney Love – Courtney At Carnegie Hall (Capitol) :: She’s the new Judy Garland! (A personal note from Jeffrey Morgan: Folks, I’ve listened to this album so you can believe me when I tell you that this young lady is an absolute double-platinum jewel. If you haven’t heard it yet, go to your local record store and demand that they sell you a copy!)

Page 3!

Paul Reubens & Queen – Sing The Cab Calloway Songbook (Savoy) :: Hiney hiney ho! (A personal note from Jeffrey Morgan: Folks, I’ve listened to this album so you can believe me when I tell you that these four lads are an absolute solid-gold double-platinum jewel of a knockout. If you haven’t seen them yet, go to your local ticket booth and demand that they give you the best seats!)

Page 4!

And so until next week, I remain your worldwide correspondent who has come to the conclusion—after listening to some of the latest records—that the wrong musicians are out of work!

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #719.446.50!

Corb Lund – Hair In My Eyes Like A Highland Steer (Stony Plain) :: Maybe I ain’t been listenin’ carefully, but I ain’t heard an album with yoyo yodelin’ on it since Eno’s ululatin’ “Seven Deadly Finns.” Well, thanks to this fine fiddlin’ country album, I stand corrected. Bonus points for letting Ramblin’ Jack Elliott sing.

Nural – The Weight Of The World (Hopeless) :: What separates these teens from their boring older brethren is an ability to vary the beat and have a Geddy-esque singer who seems to know what the word “passion” means.

Mediaeval Baebes – Mirabilis (Nettwerk) :: What we got here are eight—count ’em, eight—come-hither hotties who’ve managed to come up with an ethereal Celtic cross between Mike Oldfield’s Ommadawn and Jethro Tull’s Songs From The Woods. I kid ye not.

Loren Drive – Romantic Wealth (Lobster) :: More like a pedantic wealth of angst-driven drivel.

Otis Taylor – Below The Fold (Telarc) :: The next time someone tells you that the art of storytelling songwriting is dead, play them this intelligent brain-blistering blues album that sounds like an archival roots recording but is as vital as the blood coursing through your veins.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Click Five – Greetings From Imrie House (Lava) :: Yeah, yeah, yeah, their name is meant to evoke Dave Clark’s saxified beat combo, but this new Five alive jive straddles the gap betwixt Cheap Trick and the Cars, with a Strawberries dollopdash guaranteed to keep your tail wagging. And each copy contains a different bubble gum card, so collect them all.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #718.445.49!

Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin (Atlantic) :: If he keeps on strainin’ the larynx gonna break.

Shelby – The Luxury Of Time (Gigantic Music) :: Steve McQueen is their hero, which explains why Virgil Hilts might’ve gotten over that second barbed wire barrier had he been listening to “Green Eyes” at the time.

Hurst – Wanderlust (Round Rock) :: And if he’d been listening to this slammin’ Sammy slice of Hagarock, the Cooler King could’ve dug all three tunnels by himself.

Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin II (Atlantic) :: If he keeps on strainin’ the larynx gonna break.

Paul Brickhill – The Great Escape (Faber and Faber) :: If all you know is the movie, then you only know part of the story, because Brickhill’s account is a premier page turner.

Paul Winchell (R.I.P.) :: Tigger? I remember him as the ventriloquist straight man to Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead. But it doesn’t matter what he’s remembered for, as long as he’s remembered.

Robert Plant – Mighty Rearranger (Sanctuary) :: When the larynx breaks, mama, he got to croon.

SIZZLING SERIES OF THE WEEK: Airwolf – Season One (Universal Home Video DVD) :: If you missed this Blue Thunder superchopper knock-off when it first aired a few decades back, now’s your chance to atone for your grievous sin of omission by buying this two-disc set. Not only does Jan Michael Vincent beat Roy Schneider at his own ace stealth pilot game, there’s the extra bonus of getting to watch co-star Ernest “McHale” Borgnine cranked up and kvetching in his best Escape From New York “Cabbie” comedy relief mode.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #717.444.47!

Bobby Love – Rare Herbs (Funky Delicacies) :: The freakalicious flute king of New Orleans funk is back on track to cream the scene clean with this musky collection of vintage tracks from 1974 that’ll have your gal dropping down to play one too.

Towers Of London – Towers Of London (TVT) :: Memo to publicity: The next time you mail out a press package, remember to put a copy of the record in the envelope. No wonder Reznor left.

Silverstein – Discovering The Waterfront (Victory) :: “My Heroine.” Worst drug song ever.

Erin McKeown – We Will Become Like Birds (Nettwerk) :: There’s a gag here somewhere about one in the hand or two in the bush, but I’ll be gosh darned if I can find it.

A.R.E. Weapons – Free In The Streets (Defend) :: Synthesized grandeur with a bombastic basting, this would be the result if INXS hired Jim Morrison.

Hermon Hitson – You Are Too Much For The Human Heart (Soul Tay Shus) :: If you’d like to hear one of the most stirring voices in the history of soul, then pick up this exemplary testimonial that was recorded between 1961 and 1970.

Jerry Lewis – Jerry Lewis Sings! (Decca) :: Schlock-a-bye your baby.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Wolf Parade – Wolf Parade (Sub Pop) :: “Shine A Light” lifts its title from Exile On Main St. and its opening riff from “Get Back.” Then Sam Kinison joins Pere Ubu for a vocal rave-up on “You Are a Runner And I Am My Father’s Son.” But the kicker is “Disco Sheets,” which is about as close to a Number One In Heaven outtake as you’re likely to get at this late date.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #716.443.46!

The Amino Acids – Destroy The Warming Sun! (Bowlophonic) :: And you thought Apple was a stupid name for a record label.

The Ribeye Brothers – Bar Ballads And Cautionary Tales (Times Beach) :: They pump a hot Farfisa and aren’t afraid to quote Roberto Duran screaming “No mas! No mas!” This just might be the boozy band Jim Morrison would’ve formed had he gotten out of that tub in Paris.

Voltage – Building The Bass Castle, Volume 1 (Flameshovel) :: Spastic and sporadic retarded guitar instrumentals that are fretfully confused and prone to wandering.

Demander – Demander (Triplicate) :: Now here’s an album that just reeks of strident fem attitude—which I guess is to be expected given that some of the band members have played in the company of Nancy Sinatra. But don’t be misled because their punky pop boots are made for stalkin’ and one of these days, well, you know.

High On Fire – Blessed Black Wings (Relapse) :: As you might hope, producer Steve “Skinng” Albini gets a ferocious sound out of these guys. Then the guitarist, who can’t sing a note to save his life, has to go and ruin everything by opening his mouth.

Motörhead – Orgasmatron (GWR) :: Not that I have anything against guys who can’t sing opening their mouths, mind you.

Xiu Xiu – Sings The Cole Porter Songbook (5RC) :: Then again...

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Aminio Acids – Destroy The Warming Sun! (Bowlophonic) :: Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but this “Telstar” meets “Out of Limits” sonic sliver fuses a holy-cow campabilly cornball aesthetic with a lowbrow thrashabilly scrounge mentality. It’s got a bleat, you can sheep to it; I give it a Sven.

Be shearing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #715.440.43!

Buckwheat Zydeco – Jackpot! (Tomorrow) :: Purists may decry the primitive Bill Haley commerciality of songs like “Rock, Boogie, Shout” but Buck’s turgid, son, which is why this just might be the biggest-selling record of his career.

Embrace – Out Of Nothing (Lava) :: Power balladry at its best, even if their enveloping anthems do sound a bit too U2 for my liking.

Situation Nowhere – One Of The Loudest Tragedies Ever Heard (Wedgie) :: Their wonky inflective singer sounds just like Pee-Wee Herman, but the playhouse pudknocker never had a butane-burning band like this rocking out behind him.

Icky Boyfriends – A Love Obscene (Menlo Park) :: Talent is an asset and these retards don’t have it.

Flashlight Arcade – The Art Of Blacking Out (OTR) :: Yet another poky record from five slackids too lazy to spell-check their inane lyrics.

Scary Kids Scaring Kids – The City Sleeps In Flames (Immortal) :: The singer’s vox sounds a little like John Foxx so why does he insist on screaming?

Kazzer – Broke (Linus) :: When a “marshal arts champion” makes a rap record, I expect to hear the aural equivalent of lean, mean Ken Shamrock, not gabby flabby Chris Tucker.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Chris Beard – Live Wire (Northern Blues) :: Now here’s one Chris who ain’t tuckered out, not by a long shot. Taped on stage in Michigan and Chicago and in the studio in New York, guitarist CB gets hot on the sizzlin’ JB funkified sax ’n’ organ good foot with an added dose of primo Prince percolation tossed in for bad bluesy measure.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #714.439.42!

Darkest Hour – Undoing Ruin (Victory) :: It’s always darkest before the yawn.

Catlow – Kiss The World (Boompa) :: Chandler’s restless lunatic daughter from The Big Sleep records a chirpy album of perky power pop rubber-room refrains.

Kid Icarus – The Metal West (Summersteps) :: Track one has a jing-janglin’ juju stutter-step. Then they vary the menu with a buffet of smart ’60s stylings that range from acoustics and harp to rude unruly fuzztone.

Led Zeppelin – Presence (Swan Song) :: It’s easy to forget how unrelentingly brutal these four guys could be when they were really angry. Bonus points for singing with a broken leg.

Ringo Starr – Choose Love (KOCH) :: Hey, if half of your old band was gone, you’d start singing heartfelt spiritual songs like “Oh My Lord” too.

Pete Townshend & Roger Daltry – Who’s Left (Decca) :: Then again, maybe you wouldn’t.

The Moggs – The White Belt Is Not Enough (Absolutely Kosher) :: He’s a git picker. She’s a skin whacker. Together they beat the Kills at their own minimalist game.

Devildriver – The Fury Of Our Maker’s Hand (Roadrunner) :: Where have you gone, Phil Anselmo? A nation turns its bleeding ears to you.

Ric Flair – To Be The Man (WWE Books) :: Woo! Woo! Woo!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Jennifer Foster – Fit For Mars (Kanada Kid) :: Jen has the vivacious looks, the vocal hooks, and an engaging witty songwriting style that’ll playfully sucker-punch you when you least expect it and have you down on the floor looking up with a new-found respect before you even know what hit you. You can trust me when I tell you she’s that good.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #713.438.41!

Daphne Loves Derby – On The Strength Of All Convinced (Outlook) :: Tie your brother down! Freddie Mercury joins Wings!

Kraftwerk – Minimum-Maximum (EMI) :: What’s the speed limit on Information Highway 69? Clickety-split.

The Hurt Process – A Heartbeat Behind (Victory) :: Are you ready for the CSNY of screamo? Me neither.

The Pages – Creatures Of The Earth (Unsound) :: Heads they’re an electric Kingston Trio, tails they’re a folkie Velvet Underground.

Jobriath – Creatures Of The Street (Elektra) :: Even at his summer-camp swishiest he’s still heavier than Xiu “Yoo Hoo” Xiu.

Sybris – Sybris (Flameshovel) :: Take a banana peel and throw it down the stairs! Siouxsie Sioux joins the Velvets!

The Evil Queens – First It Boils, Then It Spills (Addison) :: Finally it hardens into this hot steamin’ slab of heavy molten rock.

Pointed Sticks – Perfect Youth (Sudden Death) :: Whatever you do, make sure you don’t overlook this excellent reissue of infectious good-time new-wave power pop from 1980.

The Number Twelve Looks Like You – nuclear. sad. nuclear. (Eyeball) :: I’m not ready for flamenco screamo either.

Ulver – Blood Inside (Jester) :: She’s giving me bad vibrations! Diamanda Galás joins the Beach Boys!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Odiorne – Heavy Wish (File 13) :: This echoing pop album begins by using the watery tremulous horns from “It’s Only A Northern Song” and concludes by being the orchestral trance record that Yellow Submarine should’ve been.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #712.436.38!

Xiu Xiu – La Forêt (5RC) :: Proof positive that you can suck and blow at the same time.

Ron Spencer & Jumpstart – Livin’ Low (Blue Wave) :: Not only is Ron no slouch in the jumpin’ jive guitar department, you’ll also dig that he has the late lamented septuagenarian father of rock ’n’ roll Jimmy “The Houserocker” Cavallo guesting on vocals and sax.

Some Girls – The DNA Will Have It’s Say (Three.One.G) :: Funny how they can spell “Nazi” but not “its.”

The Knitters – The Modern Sound Of The Knitters (ZOË) :: This oughtta be the twangabilly sound track to Tarantino’s next movie.

Ambry – Holding On By The Blindfolds We Hide Behind (Death Scene) :: Well, there goes my word count.

Clumsy Lovers – Smart Kid (Nettwerk) :: It figures that Canada’s answer to Boiled in Lead would record an instrumental ditty called “Cock Of The North.”

SIZZLING PARODY OF THE WEEK: John Cena – Bad, Bad Man (WWE) :: Don’t laugh because what started out as a pathetic Marky Mark goof has now evolved to the point where Cena can star in a note-perfect A-Team video satire and nail George “Hannibal” Peppard’s trademarked mannerisms right down to the old carpetbagger’s megawatt grin. I love it when an MB comes together.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #711.435.37!

I Hate Sally – The Plague (db) :: Will they be upset that I call them a thermosonic cross between Pantera and Cradle Of Filth? Not if they’re smart, they won’t.

Aframes – Black Forest (Sub Pop) :: Q: Are they not Devo Cramps B-52’s? A: They are Devo Cramps B-52s!

Antigone Rising – From The Ground Up (Lava) :: With their big brains and vivacious voices, these five bodacious babes are the MENSA version of female acoustic folk bands.

Lapush – Someplace Closer To Here (FourFiveSix) :: The insight and power of Nirvana without any of the bitter bile. Where dreamy techno ambience meets the heart and soul of rock ’n’ roll.

Mahi Mahi – Remove Your Body (Corleone) :: Yet another Telex-worshipping duo with absolutely no songwriting ability is caught raw-handed doing the bedroom synthesizer wank. Kids, squeezing out runny dribbles of disco bleeps and blorps will only make you go deaf.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Frausdots – Couture, Couture, Couture (Sub Pop) :: Brent “I don’t feel cool, just a little bit cold” Rademaker suits up like Bowie on the back of Pinups and then proceeds to follow through on that sly nod by recording an album that’s the best glam rock record since the Everyothers’ dynamic debut.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #710.657.295.347.399.554!

This is Bob “Media Blackout” Hope coming to you live from the Big Room upstairs where I’m filling in for Jeffrey Morgan, who’s away this week celebrating Christmas by listening to some of the latest rice-paddy platters in Da Nang Trong province. You know what ‘Da Nang Trong’ means, don’t you? That’s Vietnamese for “Exit strategy? We don’t need no stinking exit strategy.”

No, but I’m really thrilled to be here on the road to ruin, as my good friend Joey Ramone would say. In fact, all of the Ramones are up here, although it took them a while to clear customs. They were forty pounds overweight, and that was just their hair. Yeah, and I hear Joey’s going to record a new Christmas song with Bing Crosby as soon as the old groaner recovers from that “Little Drummer Boy” duet he did with new arrival David Bowie 41 years ago. Just wait until he finds out that Joey’s been taking sarong lessons from Dorothy Lamour. Isn’t that wild?

Hey, how about a few reviews!

John Lennon – “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” (Apple) :: Hippie.

Various Artists – We Wish You A Metal Xmas And A Headbanging New Year (Armory) :: Look, even I can only take so much of Bing singing “White Christmas” before I get a hardcore hankerin’ to dreck the halls with gobs of metal. That’s why I’ve been listening nonstop to this twelve track compilation of carols, which features everyone from Lemmy to Alice to Dio. I’ll be deaf for Christmas, if only in my screams.

Christina – “Things Fall Apart” (ZE) :: I thought Britney Smears was a basket case until I heard this record. It originally escaped back in 1981 on A Christmas Record and it’s still the most mentally disturbed Noël number ever released. And that includes Jerry Colonna’s rendition of Johnny Bower’s “Honky The Christmas Goose.”

Rhonda Silver – “Chri$tma$ On Credit” (Silver Shadow) :: You can forget all about Eartha Kitt mewing out the high-priced “Santa Baby” for the umpteenth year in a row because this is the new torch song for today’s troubled times. You’ll sign up for a government bailout when you hear sultry songstress Silver croon: “You know that Santa’s got the blues ’cause he ain’t got no green. Looks like Mrs. Claus has picked his pockets clean!” In other words: Cash is king.

Johnny Cash – The Johnny Cash Christmas Specials: 1976-1979 (Shout! Factory) :: Hey, and what better way to celebrate the season than by watching this four disc box set containing the Man In Black’s holiday television specials. Cash doing Christmas would be reason enough to watch at any time, but what really makes this a seasonal must see is the truly eclectic line up of guest stars, including everyone from longtime stage stalwarts June Carter and Carl Perkins to country legends Merle Travis and Roy Clark to seminal Sun rockers Roy Orbison and Jerry Lee Lewis.

The Beatles – Christmas Time Is Here Again! (Fan Club Flexi-Disc) :: Hippies.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Mr. T – “I Told You Hannibal: I Ain’t Gettin’ On No Sleigh!” b/w “Shut Up, You Crazy Yule!” (T-Neck) :: Boy, I wanna tell ya, ain’t that something?

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #709.434.36!

TSAR – Band Girls Money (TVT) :: Led Zeppelin and Cheap Trick (“Everybody’s Fault But Mine”) meet Rockpile and Mott The Hoople (“Superdeformed”) in a fatal four-way! King, this one promises to be a hellacious slobber knocker, and it’s next!

Shawn Desman – Back For More (Sony/BMG) :: Barry Whiteboy looks like Travis Bickle and sounds like Michael Jacksoff. You were waiting for that, weren’t you?

Ninja Gun – Smooth Transitions (Barracuda Sound) :: Clever countrified rock at its finest. I laugh every time I hear guitarist Jonathan Coody’s droll delivery when he laments: “My brother’s pushin’ 30 now and I’m at 25. He’s making smooth transitions meanwhile I barely survive.” So will you.

Genghis Tron – Cloak Of Love (Crucial Blast) :: Five tracks of speedo shred-metal alternate with pastoral passages in 12:46, which is four tracks and 9:41 too long.

Sadaharu – The Politics Of Dancing (CI) :: The politics of, ooooh, screeching like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. The politics of Re-Flex suing your sorry screamo ass for defamation of reputation, uh-huh. Is this message understood?

Los Casualties – En La Linea Del Frente (Side One Dummy) :: This blistering Barrio-rockin’ Spanish version of their power-punk album On The Front Line is the missing foreign-language link between Medic Lee Roth’s Sonrisa Salvaje and the Stranglers’ “Sevierge.”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Perishers – Let There Be Morning (Nettwerk) :: Too much time to think, too little to do? Let me tell you about Sweden: only country where songwriter Ola Klüft has distilled the heartfelt essence of Pete Townshend, George Harrison, and Roy Rogers into an album of exquisite music.

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JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #708.433.35!

Ian Hunter – Rant (True North) :: “Still Love Rock ’n’ Roll” is Ian’s greatest song about rock ’n’ roll ever. That’s right, even better than both “All The Way From Memphis” and “The Golden Age Of Rock ’n’ Roll,” combined.

Punx Unite – Leaders Of Today (Side One Dummy) :: This essential 32-track throw-down admirably posits the position that punk ain’t passé—and I remember when listening to “punk rock” meant listening to “New Rose” and “Arabs In Harrods.”

Lewis & Clarke – Bare Bones And Branches (Summersteps) :: An acoustic expedition that shines an intelligent revelatory light into the heart of life and love.

Laughter’s Fifth – Love As Laughter (Sub Pop) :: The more I listen, the more I dig their sloppy guitar-driven Faces-meet-Crazy Horse sound and their cunning karmic lyrics like: “Shallow graves and topless babes, who will judge how you behave?”

Kyle Riabko – Before I Speak (Aware) :: I never understood how people could think that Elvis Presley was black after they heard him on the radio. Then I listened to this white teenage guitar soul prodigy.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: A Second Tribute To Jandek – Down In A Mirror (Summersteps) :: Imagine Dylan ripped out of his gourd on acid, cutting a trippy tune for the Easy Rider sound track. Well, that’s what Brother JT has done on his cover of Jandek’s “Message to the Clerk” and that’s reason enough to buy this compilation. Another reason: liner notes by Bible One fan Gary Pig Gold.

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JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #707.432.34!

Iron Butterfly – In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (Atco) :: Miles Davis, eat your heart out.

Princess – Princess (Tony Chaos) :: A clogged overflowing toilet is more melodic.

Discordance Axis – Our Last Day (Hydra Head) :: The final album by these significant screamaniacs is so techno-guttural it makes everyone else on the grind circuit sound like Perry Como in a coma.

Towers Of London – On A Noose (TVT) :: These Rotten imitators rob the Clashbah.

Oxford Collapse – A Good Ground (Kanine) :: Kinda like a Tom Verlaine demo with primitive production values, this one has a haunting heartfelt passion that’s hard to beat. Speaking of which...

Iggy & The Stooges – “I Need Somebody” (Columbia) :: Dylan never wrote a line as good as: “Well, I am your crazy driver. Honey, I’m sure to steer you wrong.”

Bob Dylan – “Hurricane” (Columbia) :: “We wanna put his ass in stir. We wanna pin this triple mur-der on him.” I rest my case.

Faces – “Silicone Grown” (Warner Bros.) :: And neither of them ever wrote a line as great as this timeless poetic gem from Rod The Mod: “You’ve got more front than the Hague museum.”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Revolver – Turbulence (Sextant) :: When you’re the son of Goddo guitarist Gino Scarpelli, you’d darn well better be in a band that kicks everyone’s ass and doesn’t embarrass your old man. These brass-ball commandos lay down a heavy carpet of sound that’ll have your windows rattling for weeks. This is rock ’n’ roll the way it’s supposed to be played: with bludgeoning riffs that explode in the air thicker than a barrage of flak bursts over Normandy on D-Day. Velvet is for pocket-pool pansies. Real men pack concrete.

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JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #706.431.33!

The Beatles – “Birthday” (Apple) :: Satanic Majesties is to Sgt. Pepper what The Beatles are to Satanic Majesties. Think about it.

Orthrelm – Ov (Ipecac) :: Everybody should own at least one album that can’t be listened to all the way through.

Yoko Ono – Fly (Apple) :: Make that two albums.

Harpo Marx – Harpo In Hi-Fi (Mercury) :: And a dozen hard boiled eggs.

George Harrison – “It’s Johnny’s Birthday” (Apple) :: The poor guy couldn’t even inadvertently cover “Congratulations” without getting sued for millions in back royalties.

Please Mr. Gravedigger – Throw A Beat (Pluto) :: Van Halen grunge meets Ted Nugent garage. But next time let the frail sing more.

Thee More Shallows – More Deep Cuts (Turn) :: There are two dead frogs on the cover, the victims of a murder-suicide by bow and arrow. So if I tell you that this album mixes the synths of Jack Nitzsche’s Performance with the strings of Bernard Herrmann’s Psycho, would you be surprised? I thought not.

Erin McKeown – We Will Become Like Birds (Nettwerk) :: “Aspera” evokes echoes of “For Ladies Only” but John Kay never sounded like Annette Peacock.

Steppenwolf – At Your Birthday Party (Dunhill) :: It’s all right, Ma, the Hells Angels are providing security!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Porcupine Tree – Deadwing (Lava) :: This melodic hard rocker manages to cover all the prog-rock bases from Led Zeppelin to Genesis to Quiet Sun to Brand X. The 10-minute title track has a Moon equipped engine that’s straight out of Eno’s “Third Uncle” with Adrian Belew doing his obligatory Fripp bit. Then they put another log on the fire for thee and make some breakfast and coffee.

Be seeing you!