JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #750.495.122! 

The Young Gods - Super Ready / Fragmenté (Ipecac) :: A .44 Magnum on the front cover? That's not cool. A pile of coke on the back cover? That's not cool. A whole lotta snotty sleazoid electro-distorto rock in between? Now that's cool.

Watermelon Slim & The Workers - The Wheel Man (Northern Blues) :: If I were a less-than-handsome musician and someone callously drew a repellent cartoon of my facial deformities on the front cover of my new album-insensitively reproduced even larger on the actual disc-I'd sing the blues too.

Jim Bryson - When The Bungalows Roam (Kelp) :: I'm not saying this disc is a dire downer, but when I played it my copies of Berlin and Tonight's the Night committed vinylcide.

Dog Day - Night Group (Black Mountain) :: Pure pop for ponderous perky people.

The Neins Circa - Sleeves And Wigs (Cooper Spine) :: Stones meet Sparks? Elvis meets Dylan? Beats the hell outta me but, whatever this musical mishmash is, it sure sounds like they had a whole lotta fun recording it. Wish I could say the same thing after hearing it.

Jenn Grant - Orchestra For The Moon (Paris 1919) :: Jenn sounds just like a fragile Annette Peacock, which makes her a lot more endearing and a whole lot more warmer. Antarctica stops here.

John Cale - Paris 1919 (Reprise) :: Geddit?

Loudon Wainwright III - Strange Weirdos: Music From And Inspired By The Film ‘Knocked Up' (Concord) :: Finally, the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack to "The Rusty Warren Story." Geddit?

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Dollyrots - Because I'm Awesome (Blackheart) :: Speaking of which, my fave rave living Dollys are back with another album of ball busting, ear bleeding, wazoo wetting, pudenda pounding pure punkette pop music that's louder than lust and just as gooey. Plus, the title track is the absolute best Rah! Rah! Sis-Boom-Bah! School's Out-take that Alice Cooper never wrote, but sure should've. Uh huh.

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #749.494.120!

 

 Gordon Davis - Shaft (Warner Bros.) :: Can you dig it?

 

Geoff Berner with Diona Davies and Wayne Adams - The Wedding Dance Of The Widow Bride (Jericho Beach) :: It's not every day you hear an album that begins: "I'm internationally recognized as a really, really lucky guy. Everybody knows that I'm the lucky Jew."

 

The Book Of Lists - The Book Of Lists (Scratch) :: I meant to type "shitfaced Brit psychedelia" but I'll honor my typo as a hidden intention and admit that "stiafes brit psychedcecia" is a much better way to describe this Jarvis Bowie meets Suede Floyd glam pop album.

 

Dustin Cole with The Specialest - Try And Love Me (Scratch) :: Crystal clear vocals on cavortin' cruise control drift languidly over a barren backwash of minimal and at times deeply distorted in the red instrumentals.

 

Isaac Hayes - "Theme From Shaft" (Stax) :: Right on.

 

Amplified Heat - Amplified Heat (Arclight) :: Feelthy mungified Texas rock that's stronger than dirt and sounds just like Lemmy fronting Blue Cheer. Bonus points for stealing the intro from Rush's "Any Way I Can" and reinverting it.

 

ALO - Roses & Clover (Brushfire) :: Track one on this professionally spit-polished platter is derivative enough of the Springsteen Allmans to get my attention and original enough to keep it until I start groovin' on the tasty Simon & Fabfunkle vibe.

 

The Bay-Kays - "Son Of Shaft" (Stax) :: Hot buttered jive turkeys.

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Various Artists - Stax 50th Anniversary Celebration (Stax) :: Stax wax is bax to celebrate its 50th birthday with a snatch-smokin' bag of hot reefer releases that're both old and new. This twofer hit from the original box set is not just required listening, it's a 100 percent cumpulsory pussy-poundin' screw-e-delic delight. So ditch those effete Motown pansies and drop down for the real honey-humpin' happening. Oh yassss!

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #748.493.117!

 

Elvis Presley – “Hey Jude” (RCA) :: Words can’t even begin to describe the dire depths of this appalling aural indignity. Never has a major recording artist been more embarrassingly out of his league both vocally and aesthetically. When Elvis momentarily stops singing toward the end, rather than try and hit a high note, you want to stand up and cheer. No wonder RCA waited until he was dead before they released it.

 

Jeremy Fisher – Goodbye Blue Monday (Aquarius) :: Jeremy sounds so much like Paul Simon that you won’t believe your delicate little shell-like ears. Except Simon never sang a line like: “She runs guns, everyone wants guns, there she goes.” But he should have.

 

Paul Simon – “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” (Columbia) :: Blow him away, Kay.

 

The Love Kills Theory – Happy Suicide Jim (Xemu) :: Catchy convulsive pop songs that take their quirky fuzztone cue from Pretties For You. The “Jim” in the album title refers to conniving cult crackpot Jim Jones. The red Kool-Aid pitcher on the album cover that’s smiling and waving and looking so fine refers to an impending lawsuit by Kraft Foods.

 

Buck Brothers – Me (Back2Forward) :: Ron Mael writing for the Diodes? That’s how schizoid this album is! Inspirational lyric: “My time has come, I’m gorgeously stupid, I can’t remember my name. I’m gorgeously stupid and I think you’re just the same.”

 

Sparks – “Everybody’s Stupid” (Columbia) :: That’s for sure.

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Neil Young – Massey Hall 1971 (Reprise) :: What’s really interesting is how downright gabby the singer is between songs as he previews the yet to be released Harvest. And although I initially chalked such loquaciousness up to shy hometown nervousness, the torrent of piercing glass-shattering high notes he unleashes on “Down By The River” and “Ohio” proved me wrong.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #747.491.113!

 

Peeler – Evils Of The Modern Pleasure Dance (Angel Green) :: The boozy bozo “HEY YEAH! SO! COME ON! YEAH!” caterwaul which opens this album makes it pretty obvious that Craig Peeler has his Yo! Jimbo! shtick down pat, especially on heavy stonerdelic songs like “Half Past High.”

 

The Doors – Absolutely Live (Elektra) :: Lout it, lout it, lout it out loud!

 

The Cinematics – Break EP (TVT) :: And you thought that skinny leather tie of yours from Japan would never come back in vogue.

 

The Darns – What It All Turns Into (self released) :: These guys sound like a ’70s new wave version of the Tragically Hip, so you can expect a lot more in the way of unexpected variety.

 

Abernethy – College Grove (Spinning Gold) :: A voice that’s a creepy cross between John Cale (“Going Home”) and Eno (“Queer Bright”) and mauve music that sounds like side three of This End Up.

 

Explosions In The Sky – All Of A Sudden I Miss Everyone (Temporary Residence) :: I’m a soft touch for instrumental art rock albums, even ones with an surfeit of bombastic Bonzo drumming. Must be all them explosions.

 

Arthur Dodge – The Perfect Face (Remedy) :: It says a lot about Arthur Dodge’s songwriting ability that the only cover version he does on this tasteful country album—“San Diego Serenade” by Tom Waits—is the worst written one of the lot.

 

POLITICALLY NAÏVE PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Jen Militia – Berlin Boot Camp (Digilog) :: The bad news is that Canada’s answer to Rage Against The Machine uses Maoist imagery from communist China to sell their tawdry wares. The good news is that they don’t wear T-shirts featuring the face of mass murderer Ernesto “Che” Guevara. I guess they don’t want to look like Carlos Santana.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #746.490.111!

 

Leeroy Stagger – Depression River (Boompa) :: Stagger Lee serves up another haunting slab of country rock. “The forest is burnin’ from a half-lit cigarette; take what you can, go as far as you can get” is the kind of line Busta “Nursery Rhyme” Dylan wishes he could still write.

 

Ad Astra Per Aspera – Catapult Calypso (Sonic Unyon) :: Smart enough to be good musicians but stupid enough to let a mental retard scream their vocals on Track 1, thus ensuring that I never got to Track 2.

 

Blinded Colony – Bedtime Prayers (Pivotal) :: Meet the new dross. Same as the old dross.

 

The Blue Van – Dear Independence (TVT) :: Pseudo-sloppy and portentously pretentious in a rote Romantics wannabe way.

 

New Year’s Day – New Year’s Day (TVT) :: Chirpy perky femme-inflected pouty power pop with a breathy dash of Mercurial punkette posturing.

 

The Nein – Luxury (Sonic Unyon) :: Dissipated and disjointed, this ambitious aural collage evokes Beatle John at his most experimentally nonracist wasted.

 

Royal Wood – A Good Enough Day (Dead Daisy) :: Piano-driven gospel-fuelled melodies merge with soulful singing and Claptonesque guitar playing. Mucho recomendado.

 

Various Artists – The Family Values Tour 2006 (Firm) :: Thrashasaurs Korn and the Deftones defer their extinction with this dynamic album of caustic rock songs. Bonus points for not including Fred Durst.

 

Shaw/Blades – Influence (VH1) :: Mellosaurs Tommy Shaw and Jack Blades extend their distinction with this delightful album of classic rock songs. Bonus points for not including Rod Stewart.

 

Ten Second Epic – Count Yourself In (Black Box) :: Until these guys listen to the Diodes and hear how professionals do it, count me out.

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Of Montreal – Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? (Polyvinyl) :: Robin Scott’s M meets Bill Nelson’s Red Noise via Ron and Russell’s Sparks on this Eurofried synth-pop art rock album. Miss it at your own risk.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #745.489.109!

 

The Stooges – The Weirdness (Virgin) :: Whaddya mean there’s no “1971”?

 

Al Gore – An Inconvenient Truth (Paramount) :: And you thought science fiction films never won Oscars.

 

Tara Slone – Just Look Pretty And Sing (Orange) :: Her excruciating cover of “Suffragette City” makes Dana Gillespie sound like Diamanda Galás. Wham, bam, shut up, ma’am.

 

Iggy & The Stooges – “Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell” (Columbia) :: File under: Tara Slone.

 

Paul Michael – Quiet State Of Panic (Stunning Models On Display) :: The cello is the saddest instrument in the world, just ask Johann Sebastian Bach. The electric guitar is the most powerful instrument in the world, just ask James Patrick Page. This album is the saddest most powerful album in the world, just ask me.

 

Lou Reed – Berlin (RCA) :: Then again, what do I know?

 

Clemente – …whilst honey hums (Moodswing) :: These straight shooters provide quality narrative songwriting that’s trustworthy and sincere in way that those two peacenik bagmen Dylan and Springsteen never were.

 

Ill Scarlett – EPidemic (self released) Steinski stadium scratch rock.

 

Savoy Brown – Steel (Panache) :: I reckon there ain’t nuthin’ wrong with this here record that a varispeed unit and new lyricist couldn’t fix.

 

The Twisters – After The Storm (Northern Blues) :: Most blues lyrics by their very nature are inherently stupid, but these words are so retarded they make Savoy Brown’s lyrics look as if they were written by Carl Sandburg.

 

Chicago – City Of Big Shoulders (Columbia) :: I wish.

 

The Velmas – Station (City Canyon) :: The pure pop melodies of The Beatles. The putrid power maladies of Nine Inch Nails. The beast of both worlds.

 

Zozobra – Harmonic Tremors (Hydra Head) :: You say harmonic. I say moronic. They jacked the whole thing off.

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Casket Salesmen – Sleeping Giants (Longhair Illuminati) :: Digland’s newest crypt makers have crafted an intelligent art rock album that’s overly ambitious and altogether extraordinary in an electro-ambient-Split Enz-meets-Tangerine Dream-slash-high-spirited-Jon Anderson-meets-Don and Philharmonic-Everly-slash-early-irate-Alice-Cooper-Group-meets-no one kinda way.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #744.488.107!

 

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson – 1937-2005 (R.I.P.) :: Has it been fifteen years already?

 

Yoko Ono – Yes, I’m A Witch (Astralwerks) :: Got a match?

 

Queens Of The Stone Age – “Burn The Witch” (Interscope) :: Got a match?

 

Swan Lake – Beast Moans (Scratch) :: .esrever ni built being church a watching like is album Donovan meet Velvets disjointed tremulously this to Listening

 

Frank Gallup – “Got A Match?” (Spartan) :: I beg your pardon.

 

The Midway State – The Midway State (Remedy) :: The thunderous bathroom beat of Led Zeppelin meets the slanderous bathroom beat off George Michael.

 

Gary Numan – Dance (Beggars Banquet) :: He’s always been infinitely better than you ever gave him credit for and this ironically titled album is just one shining example why there would be no Nine Inch Nails without Gary Numan.

 

Nine Inch Numan – “Here In My Hole” (Nothing Numa) :: This mishmash of “Head Like a Hole” and “Cars” exists only in my imagination, but listen to them both and then tell me it doesn’t work.

 

Jim Byrnes – House Of Refuge (Black Hen) :: Spiritual blues to salve your soul. Bonus points for having the chutzpah to include a ukulele rendition of Hoagy Carmichael’s “Stardust” and think it might fit in. Points deducted because it doesn’t.

 

The Slits – Revenge Of The Killer Slits (SAF) :: Track 2 of this reunion EP is punk rock just like Mother used to hate. Tracks 1 and 3 aren’t.

 

The Slats – Boom Patrol (Latest Flame) :: File under: Beastie surf? Ramones rap? Devo rock? All of the above.

 

The Sluts – “Me Ruv You Rong Time” (KFC) :: The first single from Kim Fowley’s new juvenile jail-bait girl group is a cool coolie rice-paddy pastiche about working girls one night in Bangkok. Just kidding.

 

SIZZLING SOFT COVER OF THE WEEK: Pamela Des Barres – I’m With The Band: Confessions of a Groupie (Chicago Review Press) :: She’s my little douche coupe, you don’t know what I caught.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #743.486.103!

 

The Mooney Suzuki – The Maximum Black EP (V2) :: This reissue of 1999’s The Black EP by one of rock’s most engagingly raucous primitive agit-pop garage bands is freshly adorned with five primo bonus outtake nuggets. Now if only they’d record a new one.

 

Scott Solter – Canonic (Hometapes) :: SWM into “machines, grease, razor, tape” seeks atonal audience for disjointed distortion disc. Serious replies only.

 

That Handsome Devil – That Handsome Devil (Stardust) :: This sleazy funkified jazzbo lounge album sounds as if Jeremy “Swimmin’ in Wimmin” Page struck a crossroads deal with Mojo Nixon—and then reneged.

 

Mae Shi – Rapider Than Horsepower (SAF) :: What if Kurt Cobain’s brain had been recorded at that exact moment?

 

Patrick Porter – Die Wandaland LP (Grey Day) :: The joyous and buoyant “Bond Funeral Home” is a very good start, but the rest of this smart airy acoustic early Bowiesque pop album is just begging for a Mick Ronson to come along and plug some much needed electricity into the proceedings.

 

Yanni – Yanni Live! The Concert Event! (Image) :: Perfect for making the dishes or washing the bed, this glossy live in Las Vegas cross between Jean Michel Jarre and Mike Oldfield will appeal to the closet new age syntho symphomaniac art-rock addict in you.

 

Totimoshi – Ladrón (Crucial Blast) :: Led Jappelin (sic) heaviness produced by woman-hater Page Hamilton (very sic)—but try not to hold that against them.

 

The Mooney Suzuki – Have Mercy (V2) :: I love it when a band takes my advice. You’ll love it that they did.

 

Kasabian – Empire (RCA) :: 48 crash on Highway 61.

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Sloan – Never Hear The End Of It (Murder) :: Thirty songs, all blended into one big mind-bending Beatlesque block of nonstop pop that’s almost as good as the originals—and “almost” is about as good as you’re gonna get these days, bub.

 

The Beatles – Love (Capitol) :: Like I said.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #742.485.101!

 

The 101 – Numbers (Limekiln) :: Angsters ape oldster Phil Collins.

 

The Alrights – High School (City Canyons) :: Well alright! Ah think ah busta vessel in muh eardruhms listenin’ tuh this clevah Beatlesque extravuhganza. Ah hope they don’t leak owt. Yuh don’t want muh eardruhms to leak owt, now, do yuh?

 

Headley – Headley (Capitol) :: Music to Vaseline your tattooed arms by.

 

Xasthur – Subliminal Genocide (Hydra Head) :: Xasthurbation.

 

Teitur – Stay Under The Stars (Equator) :: He could be the new Jon Anderson, only the Yes man never recorded a live-in-Copenhagen string quartet version of “Great Balls of Fire” nor a London studio tribute to Satchmo called—wait for it—“Louie Louie.”

 

The Strays – Le Futur Noir (TVT) :: Look, if I want a record with a French title I’ll move to France. This is America. Speak English.

 

David Lee Roth – Sonrisa Salvaje (Warner Bros.) :: Or Spanish.

 

Los Natas – El Hombre Montana (Small Stone) :: Hola! Jimi Hendrix meets Speedy Gonzales on this forged-in-Argentina slab of Mexmetal. Como?

 

SIZZLING DEBATE OF THE WEEK: Perry Como – “Dig You Later (A Hubba-Hubba-Hubba)” (RCA) :: “It’s always fair weather when hep cats get together. And every time they meet, here’s the way you’ll hear them greet. A hubba-hubba-hubba, let’s shoot some breeze: Say, whatever happened to the Japanese? I got it from a guy who was in the know: It was mighty smoky over Tokyo! A friend of mine in a B-29 dropped another load for luck. As he flew away, he was heard to say: ‘A hubba-hubba-hubba, yuk-yuk!’ So be on your way and I will dig you later in the U.S.A.!”

 

Todd Rundgren’s Utopia – “Hiroshima” (Bearsville) :: And now for an opposing viewpoint.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #741.478.88!

 

Buckaroo Banzai & The Hong Kong Cavaliers – No Matter Where You Go There You Are: Live at Artie’s Artery (Yoyodyne) :: Includes the hit singles “Since I Don’t Have You” and “Rocket 88.” More power to them!

 

Scissorfight – Jaggernaut (Hydra Head) :: Chuck “Barfly” Bukowski once wrote an alkie article in CREEM about the Stones named “Jaggernaut.” Sadly, this watered-down disc doesn’t live up to the potential of that 100-proof title.

 

Velvet – The Juggernaut (Double Decker Bus) :: But this one sure does! Soaring harmonies and chiming music make this an intelligent guitar-fueled modern melodic version of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Bolan.

 

Hour Of The Wolf – Power Of The Wolf (Limekiln) :: Ramones meet Metallica. Ingmar Bergman meets his lawyer.

 

Arma – A Century’s Remains (Rthmtc) :: If these two guys could sing a fraction as well as they play, they just might be contenders. Next time, either hire a singer with an original personality or stick with the heavy art rock instrumentals.

 

Tacoma Redd – A Momentary Misfortune (Skylar) :: The local torso-tossin’ cleavage heaver says she loves to peel down to this kind of panty-wetting power pop ’cause her tappin’ toes tell her to go with her flow.

 

Olivia Elton John – Physical (Rocket) :: And a girl should always listen to her body talk, body talk.

 

Bill Cosby – Bill Cosby Is A Very Horny Fellow (Warner Bros.) :: RIGHT!

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The 88 – Over And Over (EMK/Mootron) :: One of the hardest vibes for modern music practitioners to get right is that classic ’70s Brit glam rock sound, but these crazy 88s have managed to beat the odds by merging the best of Davies’ cobblestone pub soap operas, Hunter’s crash street love stories and Bowie’s lady grinning theatour days in one primo produced package that’s brimming with enough intelligent rock music to knock you for a loop—so stop reading this hackneyed run-on sentence and go buy it now. Oh, and there really aren’t 88 of them, they just call themselves that. I guess they think it sounds cool.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #740.477.87!

 

The Gersch – The Gersch (Tortuga) :: Pinioned pig on the front. Hung human on the back. Pseudo demento guitar rock betwixt.

 

The Win – The Win (Georgeira) :: Geddit?

 

Blacklisted – The Beat Goes On (Deathwish) :: Dumb keep poundin’ jism to the lame.

 

Jim Noir – Tower Of Love (My Dad) :: Wouldn’t it be nice if Brian Wilson and the Beatles recorded a jaunty pop album together?

 

Brian Wilson – “The Spirit of Rock ’n’ Roll” (unreleased) :: Wouldn’t it be nicer if Brian Wilson and Bob Dylan actually did record a song together?

 

Brian Wilson – Sweet Insanity (unreleased) :: Wouldn’t it be nicest if the solo album it appeared on had actually been released?

 

Antler – Nothing That A Bullet Couldn’t Cure (Small Stone) :: The rock ’n’ roll maniacs at Small Stone are back with another hard rockin’ record that just might be the Best Western-themed album since the James Gang checked in. But the next time you cowpokes pose for a photo, make sure you lose the sunglasses and toque first, eh?

 

Mugison – Mugimama! Is This Monkey Music? (Ipecac) :: No Lucy, this is cacaloo Ricky Retardo music. It’s also further proof that yesterday’s insane asylums are today’s independent music labels. If Frances Farmer were alive today, she’d be signed to Trans-Orbital Records.

 

Professor Murder – Professor Murder Rides The Subway (Kanine) :: Do you like cowbells? (Say, what if Eno had produced Malcolm McLaren’s Duck Rock?) Do you like synthesizers? (Say, what if Malcolm McLaren had produced Eno’s Here Come The Warm Jets?) Do you like Devocals? (Say what?)

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Old Crow Medicine Show – Big Iron World (Nettwerk) :: In the best Masked Marauders tradition, “Down Home Girl” effortlessly combines the freewheelin’ drawl of Dylan, the hard day’s harp of Lennon and the moonlight guitar of Krieger. But Dylan never wrote a line like “I swear your perfume baby is made outta turnip greens, every time I kiss you girl it tastes like pork and beans.” Come to think of it, neither did Jim “Dandy” Mangrum. And that’s just the first song.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #739.476.86!

 

The Philosopher Kings – Castles (Sony BMG) :: This is the album of the year!*

 

The Brought Low – Right On Time (Small Stone) :: Dual guitar stereo high jinks in the sonic service of some hooch-swillin’ Southern-fried blues rock.

 

Cult Of Sue Todd – Kelsey Grammer Loves Us (NachoBake) :: Geeky atonally adenoidal spasmodal nerd music that shoulda been called “Cult Of Gerry Todd” in tribute to SCTV’s legendary video pioneer.

 

The Sharp Ease – Remain Instant (Olfactory) :: As much as I liked their first album, I like this new one a whole lot more ’cause it’s a feminized version of analog Television, only with an additional upgrade of HDTV girl power.

 

Mothra – Mothra (self-released) :: Ah, so! Preased to be ristening to this furious female screamo that could kick Reptilicus’ scales in a Japanese minute!

 

Imaad Wasif – Imaad Wasif (Kill Rock Stars) :: The front cover shows him pecking out his lyrics on an old Underwood as if he were the acoustic second coming of Joseph Strummer—or maybe even better.

 

Porcelain Youth – The Therapy Sessions EP (V2) :: Super chunk heavy thunk from Korny punks who…I can’t even think up a word that rhymes.

 

Panurge – Walking In The Fog (Last Gang) :: There ain’t nobody who conjures the mischievous art rock spirit of Kevin Ayers better than Panurge, so I’m pleased as punch to report that they’re back with yet another soft machine of clever ethereal pop. Bonus points for taking my advice and getting better album cover art.

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Five Horse Johnson – The Mystery Spot (Small Stone) :: I was gonna crack wise about stallion wangs squirtin’ out hot shot spots of unknown origin. Then I listened to this album and realized it was no joke ’cause this Led Steppenwolf studfest is nothing less than filthy blues rock at its absolute sleaziest, well-hung, ball-blastin’ best. Recorded in Ferndale. Overdubbed in Ypsilanti. Mastered in Ann Arbor. But of course.

 

*If you like emasculated sensitive girly-man music.

 

Be seeding you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #738.474.84!

 

Leon Russell – Leon Live (Shelter) :: Most creative album title ever!

 

Ray Davies & The Shelter People – The Kinks Of Leon (Cola) :: Geddit?

 

Ambulance Ltd – New English EP (TVT) :: Their last record sucked cockney but this new one shows an impressive maturity that’s derivative of the Rubber Soul fabs.

 

North And South – The Spirit That Guides Us (Goodfellow) :: They don’t pay me enough to listen to faceless immature twaddle like this.

 

So They Say – Antidote For Irony (Fearless) :: Really they don’t.

 

The Fenians – Every Day’s A Hooley (Mizen Head) :: The Irish Rovers bedding Boiled in Lead is how endearing this fifth of Fenians is. Even better, the title track is a sly sequel of sorts to the old Kingston Trio hit “Tom Dooley,” so don’t hang down your head and cry.

 

The Rolling Stones – Exile On Sesame St. (Children’s Television Workshop) :: OK, now you can hang down your head and cry.

 

Oxbow – Love That’s Last (Hydra Head) :: Hey kids, do you like violence? Well, I’m kinda Fonda this Oxbow incident, so step right up and hear the bitch battle of the century as Diamanda Galás meets Marianne Faithful in a slaughterhouse slugfest.

 

Paris Hilton – Douchebag Über Alles (Hansa) :: Heil der neu Nico!

 

The Salads – The Big Picture (Kindling) :: Pantera power-pounding meets Van Halen guitar dexterity meets Peter Gabriel social scruples meets a smood dasha de island beat, mon.

 

David Bowie – David Live (RCA) :: Most creative album title ever!

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Derek Miller – The Dirty Looks (Curve) :: A veritable studio sound track to his live show, Derek cranks out his distinctive brand of guitar-fueled barn-burnin’ blues rock with all the possessed intensity of a man who’s made midnight deals at every sulphuric crossroads from here to hell and back. That’s why I gotta give the devil his due and say that this hard rockin’ record delivers on all counts. Better loosen that tie, ’cause things are only going to get a lot hotter from here on in.

 

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S ROCK ’N’ ROLL PHOTOGRAPHS

While you’re visiting, don’t forget to view the dozens of essential selections from my vast archive of hundreds of extremely rare and previously unseen rock ’n’ roll photographs from the 1970s and 1980s—all of which were taken by myself from my front row center seat at various venerable venues; vintage historical portraits which include the following rock stars caught in their youthful prime:

David Bowie (1976 Station To Station tour) :: Lou Reed (1974 Sally Can’t Dance tour) :: Iggy Pop (1977 The Idiot tour) :: Bob Dylan (1978 Street Legal tour) :: George Harrison (1974 Dark Horse tour) :: Paul McCartney (1976 Wings Over America tour) :: Pete Townshend (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Johnny Winter (1976 Captured Live! tour) :: Jeff Beck (1975 Blow By Blow tour) :: KISS (1977 Love Gun tour) :: Alice Cooper (1975 Welcome To My Nightmare tour) :: Freddie Mercury (1977 News Of The World tour) :: Amanda Lear (1975 Sweet Revenge tour) :: Rod Stewart (1977 Foot Loose & Fancy Free tour) :: Mick Jagger (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: New York Dolls (1975 Tokyo Dolls Live tour) :: Keith Richards (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: Ian Hunter (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Elton John (1974 Caribou tour) :: Mick Ronson (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Steven Tyler (1977 Draw The Line tour) :: Sparks (1975 Indiscreet tour) :: James Brown (1986 Gravity tour) :: Miles Davis (1985 You’re Under Arrest tour) :: Roger Daltrey (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Bruce Springsteen & Clarence Clemons (1975 Born To Run tour) :: John Entwistle (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Keith Moon (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: The Who (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: and more!

Ask any dealer and he’ll tell you that the best way to get someone hooked on your product is to give them a free sample, so here’s just a small taste of what’s coming your way when you click on the eleven gallery links to your left:

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #737.473.83!

 

Everlovely Lightningheart – Everlovely Lightningheart (Hydra Head) :: A single 40-minute track consisting of a tinny piano-cored music box melody that weaves through myriad underwater caverns before cross-fading into a convergent realm of mysterious melodies and concrete sounds in the haunting tradition of Basil Kirchin and Gavin Bryers.

 

The Cinematics – “Break” (TVT) :: I bet the new Bryan Ferry record isn’t half as hip as this glamatronic go-round.

 

Tommy Emmanuel – The Mystery (Favored Nations) :: Finally, the virtuoso acoustic guitar equivalent of Rick Wakeman’s The Six Wives Of Henry The Eighth.

 

Snoop Dogg – Love Don’t Live Here No More (Atria) :: “Street lit” mah azz. But I can’t find it in me to hate a guy who took his name from Hanna-Barbara’s classic cartoon characters Super Snooper and Doggie Daddy.

 

Pete Townshend – Horse’s Neck (Faber & Faber) :: And as Billy Altman astutely pointed out, Cyrano nicked his guitar smashing act from Hanna-Barbara’s classic cartoon character El Kabong—aka “Queeks Draw” McGraw.

 

Desi Arnaz – “Babalu” (Desilu) :: Baba Looey, geddit?

 

Roman Candle – The Wee Hours Review (V2) :: Springstonesish anthemic storytelling rock. Bonus points for having a guitarist named Nick Jaeger. Really.

 

The Flintstones – The Original TV Soundtracks! (Colpix) :: Didja know that back in the early ’60s, a half century before the luxury of complete season DVD box sets, Columbia released a series of long-playing original soundtrack albums of Hanna-Barbera’s most popular cartoon shows?

 

Keith Richards – “I Could Have Stood You Up” (Virgin) :: He had a gay old time. Really; listened to the lyrics lately?

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Milky Ways – Milky Ways (Alive) :: Back in punk’s halcyonic heyday, I used to spend every night lurching from one dingy, rat-infested hellhole to another, listening to a buncha snotbox bands who sounded just like these wonderfully wasted kids. So if you like your rock served raw with a side order of primitive cool, you’re gonna love these guys ’n’ dolls to deaf, ’cause these Milky Ways ain’t no Milky Duds—and that’s nothing to Snickers at.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #736.471.81!

 

Agoraphobic Nosebleed – PCP Torpedo / Anbrx (Hydra Head) :: The most distorted screamo album ever made opens with a foul-mouthed excerpt from a Richard Pryor movie. Then they strike up the band and put the dialogue to a mess age of musick.

 

1986 – Nihilism Is Nothing To Worry About (Palentine) :: I was worried that the band 1986 would be as musically dull as the year 1986 was. But not to worry because they sound as if Elliott Murphy had replaced Unca Lou after Loaded and then recorded a fifth Velvet Underground studio album.

 

Slow Motion Reign – Slow Motion Reign (Surgical Strike) :: Kinda like Obscure Alternatives Japan with a hint of early melodic Queen and the languid loopy charm of Hunky Dory Bowie. That said, they have an earnest and ambitious neo-prog sound that’s all their own and well worth a listen. Worth a listen? Why, it’s more fun than freebasing with a polyester shirt on!

 

Hot One – Hot One (The Music Of Nato) :: The really sexciting songs on this album sound like a pouty punky cross between Nick Gilder’s Sweeney Todd (“Get Your Priest On!”), Michael Hutchence’s INXS (“Sexy Soldier”) and Prince’s NPG (“Fu*k*n’”). Needless to say, the really boring ones don’t.

 

Person – Entitled (Echelon Productions) :: On “You Ain’t Hot,” this nattily dressed synthesizer trio rips a page outta Morris Day’s little black book and then ups the ante by using enough feelthy lingo to make Prince turn three different shades of lavender. Are you ready for the new sex-soaked Bee Gees?

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Mstrkrft – The Looks (Last Gang) :: And speaking of getting soaked, this anonymous glory hole happening between S’Express, Kraftwerk, Giorgio Moroder, and 808 State is nothing less than a wet dream hook-up for horny hedonists aching to relive the coke-soaked ’80s—and that’s nothing to sniff at.

 

Tiga – Sexor (Last Gang) :: More très fey syntho electro. Beulah, crack me another amyl.

 

Jan Hammer – Miami Vice (MCA) :: Give me Librium or give me meth!

 

Be snorting you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #735.470.80!

 

J.R. Ewing – Maelstrom (Dim Mak) :: You’re not dreaming in a prison shower, this unreasonable metal screamonstrosity sounds just like Ozzy ’n’ Alice ’n’ Ig, oh my!

 

The Adored – A New Language (V2) :: Ramonesish perky percolating power pop guaranteed to purify your aural palette.

 

Knut – Alter (Hydra Head) :: Think their band name is clev — oh, sorry, I already used that one-liner. Well then, suffice it to say that these 14 tracks have enough remixed industrial menace to make Farmer’s Market sound like Pete Seeger on valium.

 

Flattbush – Seize The Time (Koolarrow) :: I’m told that these hammer and sickle-sporting screamanicacs "bring Filipino political rage hard and raw to the States." Good thing I live in Canada.

 

Grant-Lee Phillips – nineteeneighties (Zoë) :: This is the on-the-nod acoustic album Eric Clapton would record today if old Spikehand were still strung out on smack and had a craving to carve up 11 antique melodies ranging from "Wave Of Mutilation" to the anal sex classic "Love My Way."

 

Toni Basil – “Mickey” (Capitol) :: And speaking of anal sex classics, she’s still the only woman to offer to take it up the ass on Top 40 radio.

 

Led Zeppelin – In Through The Out Door (Swan Song) :: What did you think the title meant?

 

Prince – “Raspberry Beret” (Paisley Park) :: What did you think “She walked in through the out door” meant?

 

Led Zeppelin – “Since I’ve Been Loving You” (Atlantic) :: What did you think “I open my front door, hear my back door slam” meant?

 

The Doors – “Back Door Man” (Elektra) :: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Priddy neat, priddy neat! Priddy good, priddy good! Alright!

 

Greeley Estates – Far From The Lies (Record Collection) :: Music to take prison showers by. Careful with that soap, Eugene…

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Blood Brothers – Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck (V2) :: Are you ready for a quirky spastic cabaret cross between the Clash and Marilyn Manson? How about Suicide and Diamanda Galás? Either way, the hills are alive with the sound of stuck pig music.

 

Be squealing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #734.468.78!

 

Demented Are Go — Hellbilly Storm (Hep Cat) :: Stray Cats meet Alice Cooper. So go.

 

Anajani — Blue Alert (Columbia) :: After seeing Anajani One-Name and her boy toy slash co-writer slash producer Leonard Cohen performing together last month, a good friend who knows his stuff reported back that she sure can sing. And because his word is good enough for me, I’m saved the trouble of having to slash the shrink wrap and actually listen to this one myself.

 

Danielle Miraglia — Nothing Romantic (CD Freedom) :: “When I cry out loud you stick a dollar in my mouth,” she laments. “I suck the nipple dry until I realize that there’s no milk coming out.” Now I ask you: was ever an album more aptly titled?

 

Iggy & The Stooges — Raw Power (Columbia) :: Yes.

 

Schulz — What Apology (Sudden Death) :: Guenter Schulz splits from the KMFDM bawdy politick and hires Jeff Borden to sing this witty set of wiry muscular guitar-driven pop rock that’s utterly delightful.

 

nearLY — reminder (Kufala) :: Jerome Dillon splits from the NIN nihilism schism and hires Claudia Same to sing this somber set of suicidal songs that, although beautifully recorded, are utterly malignant. Do not be seduced by the dark side. Choose light.

 

Exene Cervenka & The Original Sinners — Sev7en (Nitro) :: Doxy Exy stumbles out of bed with a tangy twangy dissipated disc full of sloppy schlockabilly songs that reek of cheap cooch and watered-down hooch. The money’s on the dresser. Now get out.

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Playwrights — English Self Storage (Sink & Stove) :: Not since Sparks in their high-octane speed-freak heyday or Yes at their most vexingly complex has such a delightful album been recorded that doesn’t pause to catch its breath. Not a moment of dead space exists as the swirlwind of lyrics merges with the vertiginous music; all in all, a very impressive feat given that even Russell Mael and Jon Anderson had to come up gasping for air once in a while.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #733.467.77!

 

Stereophonics – Live From Dakota (Vox Populi) :: I never realized how much the lead singer sounds like Marilyn Manson and the band like INXS until I heard this twofer. Which means they sound alright. Wholly unoriginal, but quite alright.

 

Jesu – Silver (Hydra Head) :: The marathon melodrama of "Purple Rain" fused with the claustrosonic soundscapes of "Closer."

 

Tagaq – Sinaa (Jericho Beach) :: Sparse challenging repetitive primitive chants by a woman who can use her voice much in the same way that Philip Glass can use a keyboard. Only the sellout Cutty Sark salesman was never aided and abetted by the ice queen Bjorkasaurus.

 

Thee More Shallows – Monkey vs. Shark (Turn) :: These seven somber songs aren’t bad but the laughably wretched amateur album cover art will deep-six this disc before it ever gets a chance to be heard. Helen Keller with an empty box of crayons could do better. Remember kids: You’re supposed to be independent, not incompetent.

 

An Albatross – Blessphemy (Of The Peace Beast Feastgiver And The Bear Warp Kumite) (Ace Fu) :: King Crimson meets screamo.

 

David Bowie – The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars (RCA) :: Well, there goes my word count.

 

Marc Bolan & T. Rex – Zinc Alloy And The Hidden Riders Of Tomorrow (Or a Creamed Cage In August) (T. Rex Wax Company) :: I give up.

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: SSM – SSM (Alive) :: Why do these guys rate a SPOTW? Well, first they have a short album title that doesn’t chew up my valuable word count. Second, they have an equally brief band moniker that stands for Szymanski (cheesy Farfisa) Shettler (snappin’ traps) Morris (guttural guitar)—three rock star names if I ever heard them. Third, they have a "96 beers" sound that consists of swirling, mind-bending psychedelics that are so charmingly primitive they make Grand Funk Railroad sound like Emerson Lake & Palmer. Fourth, "Sick" is the catchiest punk song Todd Rundgren never recorded. Fifth, "2012" is the best sci-fi masterpiece The Doors never recorded.

 

Be seeing you!

 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #732.462.71!

 

Dozer – Through The Eyes Of Heathens (Small Stone) :: I anticipated a side order of screamo but got a heapin' helpin' of bone-pulverizing thud rock instead. And because I do love my thud rock, that's no bull.

 

David Bowie – Heathen (Columbia) :: Every time I revisit this album expecting to be sorely disappointed, I always come away pleasantly surprised by its emotional depth and maturity. Which says less about how good an album it is than it does about my inexplicable ongoing utter lack of faith in it.

 

Brian Byrne – tuesdays, thursdays and if it rains (Kindling) :: I'm not saying that this uplifting album was influenced by Mick Ronson or anything, but it sure sounds like it to me. Not that it matters because I'll take my uplifting music anywhere I can find it.

 

Roxanne Potvin – The Way It Feels (Alert) :: Lissome lungs and horny horns provide a percolating pulse that's part blues, part R&B soul and all heartfelt passion. WARNING: Playing this album may set off your stroke detector

 

Dozer – Through The Eyes Of Heathens (Small Stone) :: Bull! Dozer! Bulldozer! I almost had a gag there, son! Joke, that is...

 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: David Wall – The Spell I Was Under (Black Hen) :: Ellis Hooks once recorded the best early Rolling Stones album that the Stones never recorded. Now it's David Wall who's tapped an Exile On Main St. vein and come up with a soulful blues album that's well worth hearing if only to dig the latent Leon Russell gospel vibe and background bleatin' country honkin' babes.

 

Be seeing you!