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Sunday, April 14, 2013




– “Gentleman” (YG) :: Every time I hear this smug South Korean peon burp: “I’m a mawtofawto gentleman” I want to drag him across the border and stuff him into the nose cone of one of the North’s mawtofawto missiles. Not since Ian Fleming had Odd Job bark: “Garch a har?” in Goldfinger has a Korean butchered the English language so brutally—only Odd Job had a cleft palate for an excuse.

Coach Jules Winnfield
– “English, motherfucker, do you speak it?” (Inglewood Jack) :: Exactly!

Meanwhile, back in 2006:

Petra Haden
Petra Haden Sings The Who Sell Out (Bar/None) :: Just when you thought that you’ve heard it all before, along comes Petra Haden who, just as the album title claims, sings The Who Sell Out album—in its entirety, in sequence, from start to finish, including all of the RotoSound Strings and Premier Drums commercials.

Oh, and she does it a capella. That’s right, there’s no band, just Petra’s exquisite multi-tracked voice. For not only does she sing Daltrey’s part, she also vocally mimics Townshend’s guitar; Entwistle’s bass; and Moon’s drums; all to bravura effect.

I know, it’s hard to believe. But hearing is believing and once you hear the astonishing job Petra does on duplicating Armenia City In The Sky—the original album’s most complex track—you’ll be sold. And because she’s no slouch in the pipes department, her soaring voice is best showcased on more melodic tracks like “Our Love Was,” “Mary Anne With The Shaky Hand,” and “Tattoo.”

Sure, maybe Petra could’ve taken a much heavier percussive tack on “I Can See For Miles,” but she more than makes up for that lightweight lapse with her epic interpretation of “Rael.” And although parts of the latter hint at what a Petrafied version of Tommy might sound like, I hope she’ll skip past that album as well as Who’s Next and get straight to work on an a capella version of Quadrophenia.

*** *** ***

Okay, so she didn’t take my advice; when did any woman? Besides, that was then—and this is now wow wow:

Petra Goes To The Movies (Anti-) :: It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway for those of you who are romantically impaired: I love this woman! And so will you after you hear how she wraps her a capella pipes around some of the greatest movie soundtracks of the sound era from Leonard Rosenman’s main title to Nicholas Ray’s Rebel Without A Cause to John Barry’s main title to Guy Hamilton’s Goldfinger.

But if you’re anything like me—and if not, why not?—the two tracks that you’ll go goofy for are her virtuoso all-vocal interpretations of Bernard Herrmann’s main title to Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho and her literally out of this world take on John William’s Kryptonian overture and main title to Richard Donner’s Superman. You’ll believe a woman can soar.

Bonus points for including, absolutely free and at no extra charge, a bonus fold-out poster of Petra screaming in the shower as Vera Miles in the trailer to Psycho. That’s right, Vera Miles. Who you gonna believe: me or your own dilated eyes?

Be seeing you!

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