LADY, I DON’T HAVE JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #288!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Kate Reid – Doing It For The Chicks (self released) :: If I threw out all the records in my collection that were recorded by homos, alkies, murderers, junkies, lunatics, adulterers, gypsies, tramps and thieves, I’d have nothing left to spin except my Pat Boone albums—and even they’d be suspect after he was seen in the company of Alice Cooper: a guy with a girl’s name, of all things.

Besides, I’ve got too many albums to burn even if I did want to torch them, which is why I rationalize my paucity of purification by reminding myself what a mortally wounded Lee Marvin sagely said at the end of The Killers after he plugged double-dealing Ronald Reagan and was about to perforate two-faced Angie Dickenson: “Lady, I don’t have the time.”

Well we may not have the time but it’s obvious that a whole host of others do, judging by the number of decadent discs which keep a-tumblin’ into my rock critic sin bin, including this latest licentious offering by Kate Reid. You may recall that I reviewed Kate’s debut disc I’m Just Warming Up a year ago in MB234—but if you don’t, I’ll reiterate for ya:

“With song titles like ‘The Only Dyke At The Open Mic’ and ‘Emergency Dyke Project,’ you can probably guess which side of the swingin’ gate country singin’ Kate is straddling. She’s got a brain as big as her heart and a good-natured sense of humor that’s even bigger. But don’t let her cheerful chirpy voice fool ya ’cause Kate’s nobody’s fool, nuh uh. That’s why she prefaces each set of lyrics in the booklet with insightful little explanations and relevant bits of advice like: ‘In mainstream pop culture, lesbianism is becoming a marketing tool to reach male audiences. Not good.’ Of course Kate’s right but, what with me bein’ a guy who still harbors eleventh hour Honor Blackman conversion fantasies, I’m not ashamed in the least to admit that talkin’ tales like ‘Ex-Junkie Boyfriend’ and ‘Truckdriver’ made me fall head over heels for her.”

That said, I was kinda hoping that my hyper-masculine review might switch Kate over but, wouldn’t you know it, not only has she remained stubbornly unchanged, the brazen hussy now has the nerve to actually use her latest tell-all album as a recruitment tool to conscript innocent sweet young things into her service, as evidenced by her oral offer on the title track wherein she actually admits: “I’m merely on a divine plan to convert you all to the dark side of the bedroom!”

Okay, I give up. Just like Kate, I know when I’m licked. So if you’re a skirt with your eye on some fresh lettuce you’re seekin’ to sway, go to Kate’s website and buy both of her albums. Together they’ll make the perfect box set—and so will the two of you, if you catch my drift.

Be theeing you!