I’LL BE THE JUDGE OF JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #242!

Kristy Lee – Live At The Soul Kitchen (self released) :: All rise! Court is in session! The honorable Judge Kristy Lee presiding! Wielding an acoustic guitar like a gavel, this rightfully irate woman dispenses Alabama justice in the form of cautionary tales like the aptly-titled “45” in which an abused woman shoots her abuser in self-defense with Exhibit A. The female jury in the audience is solidly on Kristy’s side because she’s got too much soulful personality and heartfelt passion to be held back by the quivering likes of you, you worm, so stand up and take your medicine like a man. Guilty on all counts! Next case.

Bryan Ferry – Olympia (Virgin) :: The come-hither satin sheets cover photo may look like a Roxy Music throwback but this ballad-bloated album ain’t no Stranded by a Country Life mile. Which only goes to show that you can lead Bryan Ferry, Eno, Phil Manzanera, Andy Mackay and Chris Spedding back to the fountain of rock, but you can’t make them drink.

Immolate – Ruminate (MVD Audio) :: The album cover outside shows a skeleton awash in flames while the album music inside shows the vocalist buried alive in dense slabs of Spectorish sound; a sonic distinction that almost makes this the Exile On Aladdin Sane St. of death metal. Double bonus points for having a singer who actually sings instead of screams and for having a band that’s smart enough to take their musical cues from Powerman 5000—not that they’d ever admit it.

Elizabeth And The Catapult – The Other Side Of Zero (Verve Forecast) :: From the label that gave you Billie Holiday comes another woman y’gotta watch out for, what with her woeful tales of doomed romance like “Go Away My Lover” on which she laments: “Darling won’t you go? Leave me to my tower, leave me all alone.” But it’s not all Garboesque fun ’n’ games because there’s a dark Lynch-pin supporting these proceedings that’ll make you nervously laugh at her insightful lyrics and then suddenly think: does she really mean it?

Jonas & The Massive Attraction – Big Slice (self released) :: Having studied such previous purveyors as Springsteen and Aerosmith, it’s apparent that Jonas & The Massive Attraction want to prove it all night that they’re the new modern masters of the Power Ballad; an aspiration which they admirably achieve on three quarters of Big Slice. But since man does not live on ballads alone, I’m pleased to say that the remainder of the record is a raucous romp of ramped up heavy duty rock ’n’ roll that, with a little bit of dedication to the cause, could very end up reverberating all the way back to the sonic neighborhood where Buzz Shearman’s legendary band Moxy used to live—and yes, that’s a challenge.

SIZZLING BOOK OF THE WEEK: Mick Foley – Countdown To Lockdown: A Hardcore Journal (Grand Central Publishing) :: Here’s hoping that St. Mick never writes another wrestling book because this one—the fourth in his series of up to the minute autobiographies—is the one that just can’t be beat. First, it covers his controversial departure from the Guest-Host-Of-The-Week schlock of WWE to the far more athletic and entertaining hardcore havoc of Total Nonstop Action wrestling. Second, it chronicles his long-awaited meeting with mat muse Tori Amos. Finally, and most importantly, it contains three consecutive candidly cautionary chapters on the health hazards of the sport which will hit you harder than a barb-wired bat in a steel cage. That’s because you can trust Mick Foley to never snow you. He may Al Snow you, but that’s another book entirely.

Be seeing you!