Y’GOTTA LOSE YOUR MIND IN JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #377 MACHINE ROCK’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #3!

EDITOR’S NOTE: Jeffrey Morgan (@CREEM) is on vacation. Ghost writing his column for the next few months will be valued colleague MACHINE ROCK (@MachineRock) who promises to try and ape, as closely as possible, Mr. Morgan’s idiosyncratic; emdash-addicted; comma-eschewing; alliterative; run-on sentence style of writing. Let’s see how well he manages this week:

KISS – “Detroit Broke City” (Cashablanca) :: All proceeds from this newly recorded single will be donated to Gene $immons and Paul $tanley.

Anthony C. Ferrante – Sharknado (Syfy) :: You don’t have to be a big brain like Emmett Brown to know that this equation is a gigawatt formula for fun: Twister + Jaws + The Texas Chainsaw Massacre = the all-time greatest “This Is So Cool!” entertainment concept since...

Bill Watterson – Calvin And Hobbs (January 1, 1995) :: Tyrannosaurs in F-14s!!

Boston Marathon Murderer – On The Cover Of The Rolling Stone (Straight Arrow) :: I remember when Rolling Stone put Beatles fan Charles Manson on the cover back in 1970 and nobody blinked. Then again, Manson never killed anyone—and he was a musician. That lousy album of his shoulda been executed, though.

Charles Manson – LIE (self released) :: Exactly!

Dalia “Spammer” Bologna – Did u see thi s?! (SPAM Email) :: “Transmigration violently knew wrist to draw. noose would not mechanism the feelings of her foible on any canard, and yet to flicker fixture pleasantry did not persevere was vague. The spat was swelld with cried punishment. Each genealogy unsolicited one last mark with suspension to dilettante up his tumult.”

And you thought Morgan overwrote.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Blackmore’s Night – Dancer And The Moon (Frontiers) :: Wherein, sixteen years and seven albums later, guitarist Richie Blackmore and songstress Candise Night continue to record intelligent epic audio adventures which aesthetically embody everything that folk-fueled contemporary medieval music should be—and this outstanding album of enlightened enchantment is their best one yet.
 
If a part of your soul has ever responded positively to the ornamental elements offered up by Robert Plant in “The Battle Of Evermore” or by Ian Anderson in “Songs From The Wood,” then this renaissance record has your name engraved on it. And should you find that your soul is unnaturally inured to such sentiments, then let this be the introductory album to set your wandering spirit straight. It wouldn’t hurt you to watch The Virgin Spring, either.

Be seeing you!