JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #480.90!

5ive – Versus (Tortuga) :: Alan Swann says: “Stone, this very heavy medieval instrumental thud-rock sounds just like the second coming of Kyuss. Mucho recommendo!”

The Velvet Underground – “Sister Ray” (Verve) :: One of these things...

Mad Violet – Caravan (Passenger Sounds) :: Obviously we've entered into a new renaissance of excellent countrified folk music that's written and sung by highly intelligent women who are confident enough to passionately and expertly express their heartfelt emotions.

Pilate – Caught By The Window (Wrangled) :: These fem-sensitive guys wear their naked hearts on their sleeves so plaintively that I mutated into a weepy, sundress-wearing hippie chick just by listening to them.

Motörhead – Orgasmatron (Bronze) :: Fortunately, I had an antidote.

MC5 – “Sister Ann” (Elektra) :: ...is not

Gasoline Heart – You Know Who You Are (Mono Vs Stereo) :: Although Louis DeFabrizio got Steve Albini to ably tape his smart-sounding album, he obviously never saw Albini's exquisite Chuck Jones-inspired album art to Big Black's Atomizer album because his record is sheathed in the usual limp-dick dreck.

Jacksoul – My Soul (Sony BMG) :: Thin White Dave craved ebony acceptance and butchered “Ashes to Ashes” and “Knock on Wood.” Phat Black Jack craves ivory acceptance and butchers “Ashes to Ashes” and “Knock on Wood.”

Little Richard – “Ooh! My Soul” (Specialty) :: Trust the original crossover cross-dresser to get it right.

Jobriath – “Sister Sue” (Elektra) :: ...like the other.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Black Stone Cherry – Black Stone Cherry (Roadrunner) :: Benjy Stone says: “Mr. Swann, even if BSC are only half as heavy live as they are on this record, they'd still sound twice as heavy as most other bands.” King Kaiser concurs: “Swannee, if you ever wondered what would have happened had Jimmy Page been a spittle-flecked speed freak who formed Motörhead instead of Led Zeppelin, well, now you know, Ace—in spades.”

Be seeing you!