THE END OF JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #400!

Management would like to take this opportunity to correct a number of items which originally appeared as statements of fact over the past 399 editions of the award-winning weekly column Jeffrey Morgan’s Media Blackout. An investigation into the matter has concluded that the statements made by Mr. Morgan were, in fact, completely false and deliberately made to misinform the reader including, but not limited to, the obfuscating use of a fictional alias. As a result of this serious breach of ethics, and in keeping with our policy of transparency, Mr. Morgan has been dismissed from his position and his column will be reiterated beginning next week until a suitable replacement can be found. Management regrets the errors.

CORRECTIONS:

Martha Raye is not the mother of Johnny Ray.

Brian Jones was not pushed.

Elvis is not Orion.

Nothing happens if you watch Pink Floyd At Pompeii while listening to Judy Garland At Carnegie Hall.

Alice Cooper did not play Eddie Haskell on Leave It To Beaver.

Axl Rose is not a member of Falun Gong.

Eugene Levy never sued John Lennon.

Jerry Mathers was not killed in Vietnam and he is not the father of Eminem.

Lou Christie does not make good cookies.

Bob Dylan was not replaced by a double after dying in a motorcycle accident.

The Beatles are not Klaatu.

Ricky Nelson is not a member of Cheap Trick.

A horribly disfigured Kurt Cobain is not alive and hidden away in a private sanitarium.

The woman heard yelling “ ‘Paint It Black,’ you devils!” on Get Yer Yas Yas Out is not Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme.

Mick Jagger did not kill the Kennedys and neither did you.

Will Rogers never met Allan Klein.

The New Vaudeville Band never released an album titled Jesse Winchester’s Cathedral.

Robert Johnson was not stood up at the crossroads.

Clapton is not God.

Andy Warhol did not produce Screaming Lord Sutch And Heavy Friends.

Paul is not dead.

Jim isn’t alive, man.

Lou Reed and Rex Reed are not twin brothers.

Lester Bangs did not play Michael Stivic on All In The Family.

Pete Townshend never took part in the Battle Of Britain.

Paul Reubens did not replace Freddie Mercury in Queen.

John Bonham was not one of the Marx Brothers.

Slade were not illiterate.

The Band did not record Music From Pink Floyd.

Bryan Ferry never crossed the Mersey.

Nobody was the fifth Beatle.

And, in the end, the love you take isn’t equal to the love you make.

Jeffrey Morgan will not be seeing you.