JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #745.489.109!

The Stooges – The Weirdness (Virgin) :: Whaddya mean there’s no “1971”?

Al Gore – An Inconvenient Truth (Paramount) :: And you thought science fiction films never won Oscars.

Tara Slone – Just Look Pretty And Sing (Orange) :: Her excruciating cover of “Suffragette City” makes Dana Gillespie sound like Diamanda Galás. Wham, bam, shut up, ma’am.

Iggy & The Stooges – “Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell” (Columbia) :: File under: Tara Slone.

Paul Michael – Quiet State Of Panic (Stunning Models On Display) :: The cello is the saddest instrument in the world, just ask Johann Sebastian Bach. The electric guitar is the most powerful instrument in the world, just ask James Patrick Page. This album is the saddest most powerful album in the world, just ask me.

Lou Reed – Berlin (RCA) :: Then again, what do I know?

Clemente – …whilst honey hums (Moodswing) :: These straight shooters provide quality narrative songwriting that’s trustworthy and sincere in way that those two peacenik bagmen Dylan and Springsteen never were.

Ill Scarlett – EPidemic (self released) Steinski stadium scratch rock.

Savoy Brown – Steel (Panache) :: I reckon there ain’t nuthin’ wrong with this here record that a varispeed unit and new lyricist couldn’t fix.

The Twisters – After The Storm (Northern Blues) :: Most blues lyrics by their very nature are inherently stupid, but these words are so retarded they make Savoy Brown’s lyrics look as if they were written by Carl Sandburg.

Chicago – City Of Big Shoulders (Columbia) :: I wish.

The Velmas – Station (City Canyon) :: The pure pop melodies of The Beatles. The putrid power maladies of Nine Inch Nails. The beast of both worlds.

Zozobra – Harmonic Tremors (Hydra Head) :: You say harmonic. I say moronic. They jacked the whole thing off.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Casket Salesmen – Sleeping Giants (Longhair Illuminati) :: Digland’s newest crypt makers have crafted an intelligent art rock album that’s overly ambitious and altogether extraordinary in an electro-ambient-Split Enz-meets-Tangerine Dream-slash-high-spirited-Jon Anderson-meets-Don and Philharmonic-Everly-slash-early-irate-Alice-Cooper-Group-meets-no one kinda way.

Be seeing you!