Comic Book Heroes – Take A Seat (self released) :: I was gonna say something suitably snide like: “If real superheroes were as lame as these four Supersnipes, the world would be run by supervillains.” But it turns out I’m only half wrong because, just like the Hawk, they got enough Whoish power chord trappings to wake me up. Unfortunately, just like the Dove, they also got enough Hagarish power ballad trimmings to snooze me down.

North Side Kings – Suburban Royalty (I Scream) :: These screamos write liner notes that brag: “This is the song Ice-T wishes he wrote in place of ‘New Jack Hustler’.” Yeah, right.

Ice-T – Home Invasion (Rhyme Syndicate) :: And this is the album the North Side Kings wish they’d made in place of Suburban Royalty. Yeah, right on.

The Notwist – The Devil, You & Me (Domino) :: Love their way, they’re the new Psychedelic Furs!

Bad Luck Charms – Bad Luck Charms (I Scream) :: I scream, you scream, we all scream for this slovenly hard rock cross between the New York Dolls and Wild Man Fischer.

Keaton Simons – Can You Hear Me (CBS) :: You’re breaking up.

Neil Sedaka – Breaking Up Is Hard To Do (Rocket) :: Can you hear me now?

Your Vegas – A Town And Two Cities (Universal Republic) :: It was the best of Hall & Oates, it was the worst of U2.

PSEUDO-SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: John Oates – 100 Miles Of Life (Phunk Shui) :: Strangely believe it, this one sounds a whole lot like DaBo’s Young Americans, which ain’t no insult by a long shot when you consider that it’s got a similar trifecta of breathy pseudo-soul lead vocals, smooth pseudo-soul background vocals, and slinky pseudo-soul strings—the only difference being that the erstwhile Mr. Jones never slipped into gritty pseudo-stud David Lee Roth vocal mode from time to time like pseudo-soul Oates does here.

Be seeing you!