JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #692.413.14!

Diana Degarmo – Blue Skies (RCA) :: And you thought Jewel was stacked.

Mix Master Mike – Bangzilla (Scratch) :: I knew Steinski. Steinski was a friend of mine. Beastie Boy, you’re no Steinski.

Gym Class Heroes – The Papercut EP (Fueled By Ramen) :: I bet Dylan wishes he could write a line like: “She’s the reason for the lesions.”

Matt Sharp – Matt Sharp (Boompa) :: Plaintive music so utterly anguished yet hauntingly beautiful it’s almost too painful to listen to.

Strung Out – Exile In Oblivion (Fat Wreck Chords) :: Lame grunge band called Strung Out begins its record by stealing 20 seconds of Billie Holiday, geddit? Well, don’t get it.

Jakalope – It Dreams (Orange) :: Proof positive that anyone with a Mac can ape NIN and record Jamming With Reznor.

Simple Plan – Not Getting Any (Lava) :: Sure they’re not. That’s why there’s a flier stuck inside that shills the songs on their new album as ring tones at $2.50 a pop.

Jem – Finally Woken (ATO) :: Narcotic and erotic music to read Edward Gorey by.

Lesbians On Ecstasy – Lesbians On Ecstasy (Alien8) :: Today on Maury: Women who love women and the fishy records they make.

Westlife – Allow Us To Be Frank (RCA) :: A pack of real rats could sing better than these four fops.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Vampire Beach Babes – Beach Blanket Bedlam! (Divine Idustries Inc.) :: By combining the feisty fiesta vocals of the B-52s with the seamy archirony of the Cramps, these fun-loving culture vultures are the kitschiest thing to hit the surf since Eric Von Zipper hung 10.

Be seeing you!